The San Francisco 49ers will NOT stop crying

The Philadelphia Eagles beat the San Francisco 49ers in the NFC Championship Game on Jan. 29, 2023. You’d be forgiven if, here on May 11, 2023, you thought the game happened yesterday because Niners head coach Kyle Shanahan is STILL CRYING ABOUT GETTING HIS ASS BEAT OVER THREE MONTHS AGO!

With the NFL schedule set to be officially released on Thursday night, there have been a few games leaked already to get everyone frothing at the mouth. The Birds will be playing the New York Giants on Christmas and they’ll also welcome the Niners back to Philly in Week 13 for a Sunday late-afternoon rematch of the 2023 NFC Title Game.

On Wednesday night, Shanahan made sure to let everyone know that this time, when the two teams play, things will be different. He wants to let everyone know that he’s glad the game will be played later in the season so that THIS TIME it’ll be a fair fight.

Hold on now.

I’m just looking over the box score from the NFC Championship Game and it says that Niners starting QB Brock Purdy was under center to open the game? What is Shanahan talking about wanting to “make sure our whole team is right there?” Is he referring to the fact that he thought it was a prudent move to try and block Haason Reddick, one of the most fearsome pass rushers in the league all season, with a backup tight end? Was San Francisco missing a better blocking tight end that would have prevented Reddick from sacking Purdy onto the bench?

Or was he referring to the fact that the Niners didn’t include a third QB on their roster for the game so, when backup QB Josh Johnson ALSO got hurt, they had to go back to the already injured Purdy? Do they have, like, a specific coach that is supposed to be in charge of the head count on the plane to road games that was sick so the number of quarterbacks was miscounted?

Well, at least the Niners are sure to be completely healthy in the ::double checks notes:: thirteenth week of the NFL season a time when, famously, there are few injuries around the league.

The 49ers have spent all offseason, basically since the clock ran out in the NFC Championship Game, bitching and moaning about how “unfair” things were for them at the end of last season. Look, I’ve whined about sports losses before, probably longer than I should have in most cases, but I’m a dipshit on the internet. I’m not the head coach of an NFL team that has Super Bowl aspirations who didn’t make the last Super Bowl due to poor coaching decisions. San Francisco is an embarrassing organization and their fans should be begging them to stop acting like loser babies.