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The airing of Eagles grievances

I find tinsel distracting

Philadelphia Eagles v Seattle Seahawks Photo by Steph Chambers/Getty Images

Happy Fesitivus! Yes it is a made up holiday, but then so are other holidays. But with it comes some #content: the tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. Feats of strength, you can do that at home just make sure you have some space so you don’t break anything.

I got a lot of problems with you people. Now, you’re going to hear about it.

Nick Sirianni as the saying goes, you’re either part of the problem or allowing it to happen. Everything about this team is off just a little this year and that is on you. Stagnant play calling? On you. Inconsistent running game? That’s on you. QB who can’t stop turning over the ball? That’s on you. Defense that can’t stop anyone... that may have been on you and is now on the front office and ownership.

Brian Johnson what are you doing? Devonta Smith blocking for Dallas Goedert on a screen? The love affair with Kenneth Gainwell on 3rd down? Why is the offense so compact? They’re called wide receivers. In five games since the bye the Eagles have scored more than 21 points just once. Last season the Eagles averaged 5.3 yards per play on 1st down, this year 4.7. The league has figured you out. Come up with something new, and fast.

Jalen Hurts for Christ’s sake stop fumbling.

AJ Brown chill the F out you are going to get your passes. You set a franchise record in receiving yards last year, your QB isn’t going to forget about you.

Devonta Smith get the stickiest gloves they make. Hell get Stickum, who cares if it’s illegal just hold on to the damn ball when you attempt a catch.

Darius Slay get off of Twitter. You come across as someone who doesn’t really care about anything other than how you played and how other cornerbacks around the league play. We don’t want to see you tweeting after a loss when the game ended minutes and not hours ago. We don’t want to see you RTing a 49ers player after getting blown out by them. We do not give a shit about what you think about Daron Bland. Maybe Matt Patricia was right about you.

Sydney Brown learn to tackle.

Sean Desai you’re off the hook because you got benched.

Matt Patricia get the pencil out of your ear and do your job, whatever the hell it is.

Big Dom stay out of the spotlight. Fans of other teams should not know who you are. It’s your job to keep the players out of it, you should know better. You shouldn’t even be in a position to argue with opposing players, and you shouldn’t have your own merchandise.

Howie Roseman all that offseason praise, for what? This defense stinks and you’re first and foremost to blame. The linebackers stink and the depth at defense back stinks, and that’s your fault. You’ve done a lot of great things, but you get high on your own supply far too much.

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