Travon Walker, DE, Georgia

Hello! Hello! Welcome ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, moms, dads, sisters, uncles, nephews, nieces, and everybody out there wearing white tube socks with pride. It’s your Friendly Neighborhood Philly Fan here to regale you with a tale of the second overall pick.

So, before I tell you my pick, I need to state: this took me a little while to figure out. I feel like the Lions are in a prime position to trade out of pick number two and pick up an extra first next year. The top of this draft class is not terribly deep, though the middle picks (8-15) will be excellent value. Ideally I would trade back to one of those spots and select the best player available. It would’ve been ideal had I, the esteemed general manager of the Detroit Lions and definitely not some random guy from the internet, been in a position where I could trade back in the draft and accumulate more picks, but unfortunately in the Brandon Lee Gowton cinematic universe, trade backs are illegal; punishable by a slow drowning in a vat of maple syrup. So here I am, faced with the choice of either making a draft pick that I feel is insufficient value, or sleeping with the syrup fishes.

I choose draft pick.

The pick: Travon Walker

The Lions are a fun team to draft for. They have holes literally everywhere on their roster, and therefore I have a myriad of different directions that I can shoes to go with this pick. However, despite the need being there, the value isn’t. I felt that there were two positions in this draft class that I could find players worth going second overall, those being OT and DL. I was very very close to going OL with this pick, but given that the Lions have a pretty decent OL made up of some legitimately name-brand players (Frank Ragnow, Penei Sewell, Taylor Decker, Big V, and whoever the fifth guy is), I elected to go DL, where their lack of recognizable players is such that it’s effectively the football equivalent of walking into an Aldi’s.

I have a weird thing with drafting players, and it goes like this: what does the player’s name sound like? In other words, can I realistically imagine hearing Kenny Albert shouting their name as they make big play after big play? Can I hear Cris Collinsworth wax poetic about them in a fashion that makes us all want to hurl a brick at our T.V? Can I hear Troy Aikman tell me that this guy’s a football player? Such is my method for figuring out which players in the draft are going to be stars and which ones are going to be busts.

For example: a name like Bobby Wagner has zing to it. I can hear Kenny Albert shouting the name Justin Jefferson as he streaks down the field. Khalil Mack, Marshon Lattimore, and Larry Fitzgerald are names that Al Michaels can shout with glee as they break the game of football.

Contrast that to a name like Gareon Conley or Eli Apple who I can’t hear anyone shout. Or Takkarist McKinley. Or Robert Nkemdiche. Or Hayden Hurst. No. I can’t hear any announcer shouting those names as they streak down the field, or get a strip sack, or do whatever it is that they do. I’m telling you right now, Drake London is gonna be a bust, mark my words. I think the only time that this method of mine has abjectly failed is with Jaire Alexander, who has turned out to be a very good player despite my inability to imagine his name being shouted on air.

This metric for determining success obviously isn’t perfect, given that its completely anecdotal and 100% conjecture, and I’m sure that every one of you can come up with a player that violates my criteria, but guess what, I’m the GM, and what I say is always correct until I inevitably get fired for not being good at my job.

So here I am, at pick number two, and I have three options:

• Aiden Hutchinson
• Kayvon Thibodeaux
• Trayvon Walker

Aiden Hutchinson went #1, also, he has a dumb name. So no.

And such, I am left with the decision between Kayvon and Trayvon. Thibodeaux undoubtedly has the cooler name, but it’s no more hearable than Walker’s. My decision to select Walker effectively comes down to a couple factors: the fact that he can play inside and out, the fact that he’s from that monster Georgia defense, and the fact that he plays violent. Thibodeaux is an excellent pass rusher, but I worry about his ability to round out his game and be an anchor for a directionless defense. Whereas Walker, while not the pure pass rusher that Thibodeaux is, is a more versatile player who can be more than your standard one trick edge rusher, and really help the Lions defense get off the ground this upcoming season.

It’s like the choice between Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Oatmeal Squares. On the one hand, CTC is a much more flashy cereal; it’s made by a kindly old baker man, has delicious cinnamon sugar swirls in every bite, and fills me with enough sugar that I can’t feel my face in the morning. But anytime you try to eat it outside of breakfast, it becomes a mess. SupposeI’m tired and I have an Advanced Financial Management exam tomorrow. I want to keep studying for an hour and then go to bed, but I’m also hungry: In this scenario, CTC will keep me up all night. If I’m out of milk and need to eat it straight out of the box as a snack, my hands become gross and sticky like a toddlers.

Oatmeal Squares on the other hand, are not as flashy (Granted, they too are made by a kindly old baker man). Yet, I can eat them for breakfast and feel ready to face the day. I can eat them for dinner and, while it’s not the ideal meal, it gets the job done. I can eat them as snacks with my hands without any adverse effects to my dexterity or my handshakeability.

Are Oatmeal Squares a superior cereal to Cinnamon Toast Crunch? No.

Are Oatmeal Squares a superior Food to Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Absolutely.

Trayvon Walker is the Oatmeal Squares of football players.

Now vote and agree with me.

Thank you to BLG for giving me this opportunity for the second year to participate in this BGN draft. I think you are very cool and tall.

2022 BGN Mock Draft Order

1) Jaguars (HellBentOnHurts): DE Aidan Hutchinson
2) Lions (Friendly Neighborhood Philly Fan): DE Travon Walker
3) Texans (herbalonius)
4) Jets (RideHighTide)
5) Giants (Brendanekstrom)
6) Panthers (Philliesandthebees)
7) Giants (Dr.MidnightGreen)
8) Falcons (Philly21)
9) Seahawks (chewy wellington)
10) Jets (tfrank9811)
11) Commanders (Negadelphia Norm)
12) Vikings (Kephas)
13) Texans (thebartender01)
14) Ravens (ablesser88)
15) Eagles (Fly Like An Eagle)
16) Saints (Phoenix X Minimus)
17) Chargers (LBCeaglesFan!)
18) Eagles (20Safety_Hazard)
19) Saints (Georgia_eagle)
20) Steelers (EagleDomiNation)
21) Patriots (Domonate)
22) Packers (Leo Bedio)
23) Cardinals (big DUB)
24) Cowboys (joey2arms)
25) Bills (ItownBallers22)
26) Titans (BrianMcE03)
27) Buccaneers (4133Dave)
28) Packers (The Player Formerly Known as Mousecop)
29) Chiefs (GreenGrampa)
30) Chiefs (Legend of Nick Foles)
31) Bengals (CeleryFC)
32) Lions (Dtechman44)

Now it’s time for you to vote for who YOU think should be selected in the 2022 BGN Community Consensus Mock Draft.

1) Jaguars: DE Aidan Hutchinson
2) Lions: