God Damn the Giants are Bad

The Giants are bad. So bad in fact, that it's actually affecting my fandom of the eagles. Listen, I know the Eagle are in no position to be bragging... we have our own issues and we probably suck also. But Giants sucking is on a wholeeee new level and it's gotten to the point where I just feel sorry for them. I used to love watching the Giants lose, and for the classic Eagles/Giants rivalry every season. But now since 2011, the Giants have just been so bad that it's not even fun to watch them lose. It's like watching a handicapped person trying to stand up. It's not funny. At some point, you need to help them.

Even the 2016 season when the Giants made the playoffs and were absolutely demolished in the wild card round, they sucked that year too! Their defense bailed them out at the end of the season. But they were still a really bad team.

Here are the 10 reasons why the Giants have been so bad since their fluke 2011 season. And no, I don't know the team as well as i know the Eagles. But it's pretty damn close.

First Reason why Giants Suck so Hard: The Giants held on to Eli Manning for 5 years too long. Eli should have no longer been a Giant after the 2013 season. Sure he won a lucky superbowl in 2011, which earned him some breathing room. Then the Giants were bad, but not atrocisuos in 2012, and then in 2013 they started off 0-5. That was the year to get rid of Eli. But because the Giants organization and fanbase all have some weird, indefatigable devotion towards "The GreAt 2 TiMe SuPer BowL MvP ChamPiOn Eli Manning", Eli personally set the organization back 5 years. However 99% of Giants fans will refuse to admit this.

2nd Reason the Giants are Painfully Bad: They canned Tom Coughlin for no reason and their coaches since then have been downright putrid. Anybody could take one look at Ben Macadoo and know that that guy is a doofus. Bad hire. And even when Macadoodoo FINALLY did the right thing in benching Eli Manning... something that no one had the balls to do before, he inexcusably started Geno Smith instead of their rookie Kyle WhateverHisNameWas. Do you remember the outrage by the Giants fanbase?!? Hahah. Then there was sweet innocent Pat Shurmuer, who looked so scared and so lost. Poor guy never had a chance. And then Joe Judge, who just looks like the angriest, in-over-his-head, cant-keep-his-emotions-in-check, coach I've ever seen. the dude is constantly yelling on the sidelines throughout the entire game. And then making his players run laps after a loss like it's Mighty Ducks. No business being a head coach. Never should have gotten rid of Coughlin.

Reason #3 Giants suck so hard: bad BAD personnel. Taking Barkley at number 2, a running back, was asinine. Sure, great talent. Hasn't played well since his rookie year. And even when he does play well, the Giants still lose. The RB position is not an impactful position that it can lead to wins, unless your name is Derick Henry. Then there's Eli clone, Daniel Jones. Bad, BAD quarterback. Who somehow has once again tricked every Giants fan into everlasting loyalty. When Jones was concussed against the Cowboys 2 weeks ago, I think his numbers for the game were like, 3-12 for 44 yards. And with multiple interceptions just dropped by the Cowboys. Yet somehow, someway, Giants think that their offense is more dynamic with Jones under center. I'm not kidding when I say that Mike Glennon is a better QB than Jones. Glennon is smarter and more accurate. And then you have all the "weapons" that they signed in free agency from this year. Guys like KennY Glladay- a WR i've literally never seen play an entire game because he's always injured. Studs like John Ross, who has never made an impact on any team before.. KyLe RuDolph, a past-his-prime- slow tight end. Honestly, the only good player the Giants have (not counting defense) is Graham Gano.

Reason #4 the Giants are a mess: Dave Gettleman. My god. What on earth. Look at that hat he wears. It's like the same hat my mom wears to the beach. Look at his draft decisions. Look at him making fun of people who use analytics in football. How does this man still have a job? I was once fired for not BCCing the right person on an email. Why does he not retire? It is baffling.

Reason #5 the Giants are horrendous: They cling to this stupid mantra that they are a "proud organization." What does that even mean?! For some reason, they use this as a justification to not fire people or release bad players, even though people need to be fired and released! "Ohh, Mr. Mara. he is the class of the NFL." what?!?! The dude's like 100 years old kicking garbage cans because his team is so bad.

Reason #6: They got rid of one of the best WRs (Odell) that i've ever seen play football because he was too passionate. Then every giants fan convinced themselves that he was a "cancer" to the locker room. Nope. He was just a fiery guy who wanted to win but was stuck on such a stupid team. And now every Giants fan is so pumped for Kadarius Toney, who looks pretty good to be honest, but is just a less talented and more angry version of Odell! It is beyond hypocritical.

Reason #7 The Giants are a Disgrace: They are stuck in the past, man. The NFL is all about adapting and changing with the times. New rules are implemented every season. Running QBs are becoming the norm. Good teams are focused on the NOW. But the Giants, haha oh the Giants, all they do is reminisce about 2007 and 2011. Every Giants game they have some sort of commemoration celebrating those teams from over a decade ago! Giants fans were CRYING when Eli's number was retired a couple weeks ago. Jesus. Mary. and Joseph. It's overrrrr. Let is go. The Eagles won the Superbowl in 2017 and we've already moved on because we'd like to win more. If we just sat back and remembered the "good ol' days" then we'd be doomed. Giants need to hang up their super bowl plaque, maybe take a look at it once in a while, and stop f*cking talking about it as if it happened yesterday.

Reason #8 the Giants are unwatchable: Jason Garrett (no explanation needed).

Reason # 9 the Giants have sucked the life out of my ability to hate them: They play the blame game. How many times have you heard someone say "mehhh its not Daniel Jones' fault. No one could play behind our offensive lline! mehh" Uhh, I bet you Lamar Jackson, Jalen Hurts, patrick Mahomes, Justin herbert, Trey Lance, and a handful of others could be effective behind that offensive line. Heck, Philly's o-line is worse than the Giants! And we barely talk about it. Or how about this one... "it's honestly not the offense's fault. The defense can't make a stop!" Yo.... the Giants put up like 9 points a game. That has nothing to do with defense. If the Giants were scoring 25+ points per game and losing, then yah, maybe defense has something to do with it. But The Giants offense cannot score for the life of them. As soon as they get in the red-zone, you know they are going to kick a field goal.

Reason #10 the Giants are wet garbage: No matter what their record is, whether it be 0-1, 0-10, 2-7, whatever, they REFUSE to acknowledge that a rebuild is in order. For the last decade when they giants have started essentially 0-5 every year, all you hear them say is "wellp. its playoff time for us now. I honestly think we can win out." Yo... shut up. Just shut up. Rebuild! That's what teams do! Remember how bad the Bills used to be? Now they are juggernauts. Remember the Chiefs prior to Andy Reid? Or how about the Raiders for basically the entirety of my lifetime. Teams go through periods where they suck. And then they start to put the pieces in place to suck a little bit less. And before you know it, they don't suck anymore! Giants refuse to do this. They put bandaids on things. They hold on to players for too long. They release good players for no reason. They don't want to go through the pain of a rebuild because they want to think that they can compete every year for a SuperBowl.

So there you have it. The only reason I even wrote this is because of the Giants' unprecedented downfall, it's not even fun to watch Eagles giants games anymore. It's not fun to watch the Giants lose anymore because it's just a certainty at this point. Taxes, death, and the Giants losing. Those are the only guarantees in life.

I am pleading with the Giants organization, as well as the moronic Eli-cult following fanbase.... take off the beer goggles, fire everybody. Trade your players for scrap metal. And start from scratch. Because it's affecting my ability to enjoy football.