Dallas Week, baby! Let’s get to the reader Qs...

@WichaelMright: 4 seed Eagles vs 5 seed Bears with BDN in the wild card round, what outcome of that game causes the most chaos?

So the Bears lost to the Rams on Monday night, dropping their record to 5-2. If the playoffs ended today, the Bears and Nick Foles would travel to Philly to play Carson Wentz and the Eagles Wild Card Weekend.

For all the talk of this season being a wash because it doesn’t move the needle for the franchise going forward, this outcome would be a win today. At the simplest level, the Eagles are our prime source of entertainment. There is nothing in all of sports I would find more entertaining, nauseating, compelling and wacky as a Wentz vs. Foles postseason matchup at the Linc.

The result I’d prefer most is obviously a convincing Eagles win where Wentz plays like a superstar, but that’s not the most chaotic turn of events. Let me paint that picture for you.

The Eagles are ahead 24-20 with less than three minutes remaining in the fourth quarter. A touchdown and the game is sealed for the Birds. Facing a third and goal, Wentz gets too wild and goes into hero ball mode, throwing a back-breaking interception in the end zone to Eddie Jackson.

With the ball at the Eagles’ 25, Foles methodically marches the Bears down the field to their own goal-to-go situation. Foles fires a rocket to Jimmy Graham for a touchdown with just mere seconds left on the clock.

Chicago wins 27-24. Foles takes the Bears on a miracle Super Bowl run while Eagles fans sit at home and wonder what could’ve been.

How’s that for a Halloween horror story?

@JAlexWalsh: Are you at all worried about the Nooch X-Factor?

Like any other catastrophizing Eagles fan out there, Ben DiNucci gives off big time “Joe Webb” vibes for me. The stage is set for disappointment, no?

The Eagles are flying high off a last-second comeback win, Dallas is in complete disaster mode and they’re on the their third-string quarterback making his first NFL start. You might think that’s a recipe for an easy Eagles win, and I do believe the Eagles will win (and cover) on Sunday night, but you’d be a darn fool not to have the idea of “The Ben DiNucci Game” in the back of your mind.

@saggyknees: What kind of boli should I order for the 6-9-1 Eagles home playoff game?

Props are in order first for Philly’s biggest ‘boli lover: Jeff McDevitt.

If the Eagles are playing around noon on Saturday or at 1:00 p.m. on Sunday, you have to go for a breakfast ‘boli. The move would be to get the pork roll (or scrapple), egg, cheese and home fries ‘boli from Isabella Pizza on East Passyunk Avenue. It’s goated.

For a late afternoon or night game, I’d say you take a more traditional route, either cheesesteak or pepperoni and cheese. My favorite spot for those is Pizza Shack on 15th and Porter.

@detective_jamie: Is it bad that as an Eagles fan I want to see them win the division with the worst possible record? Like if they can do it with 4 wins and a tie that’s what I want

I obviously want the Eagles to be able to get to 8-7-1 or something and make the postseason, but if they only get four wins and get in? Screw it. I’d love, LOVE, to hear the national pundits throw a hissy fit all week, crying and complaining that the Eagles don’t deserve a playoff spot over some 10-6 NFC West team that was left out in the cold.

When that happens, you know the Eagles are beating the 12-4 Bears or 11-5 Rams or 11-5 Saints at home Wild Card Weekend. It’s just destiny. There’d be no better summation of this post-Super Bowl era of a million things going awry and the organization taking the wrong message from it because they made the postseason and actually won a game against a very good team.

Cue the 98-yard Boston Scott kick return touchdown to start the second half that really blows the doors off whomever they’re playing.

@BGNGifGuy: Do you think we’re going to win the division and if so, who do we lose to in the playoffs?

They’re going to win the NFC East. I know it sounds insane, but if the Eagles make the playoffs, especially with a losing record as I alluded to above, I think they win at home. It would just be the most Philly thing possible.

Though I laid out a disaster scenario at the top of the mailbag, I think they’d beat Foles and the Bears at home in the current playoff scenario. The Green Bay Packers are the top seed at the moment with a first-round bye, so the Birds would go to Lambeau Field for the Divisional Round, where I imagine they’d lose for the second time this season.

All in all, for as irritating this season has been, Wentz getting a playoff win under his belt against Foles of all people would kinda be a successful year!

@Mjoedgaard: Eagles coach most likely to wipe their eye with Tabasco sauce?

Special teams coordinator Dave “Crazy Eyes Fipp, who I’m pretty sure doesn’t blink.

@Angel_OG: Why aren’t they giving Elijah Holyfield a chance? Could he replace Clement?

I think the Birds value Corey Clement’s pass-blocking and theoretical versatility enough to keep him around, to say nothing of the value he supplies on special teams. I’m not going to overreact to one play, but Clement did have a 12-yard catch on Thursday night against the Giants where he actually showcased some of his 2017 juice.

Even though they’ve had LeGarrette Blount and Jordan Howard types in the past, Holyfield offering nothing as a receiver (seven career catches in 27 games at Georgia) might scare them away. He also could just not be good.

I’d bounce the tires on Michael Warren II, who’s currently a free agent after being waived by the Panthers last week. The Eagles signed him as a UDFA, waived him in early September before re-signing him to their practice squad and then releasing him on September 29.

Rookie Jason Huntley has two rushes for 13 yards and served as the Eagles’ kick returner against New York. Maybe let’s see more of him? He had 134 catches in 46 collegiate games for New Mexico State while also averaging 5.9 yards per rush. Who knows, he could be the next Corey Clement or Boston Scott diamond in the rough practice squad guy.

@DrunkSixersFan: Which hoagie place does Ben DiNucci work for?