Since it’s a Friday in the middle of May, I thought we could do something a little different. With the new Avengers movie fresh on everyone’s mind, I wanted to take a stab at seeing which Eagles players would best fit the role for each Avengers character. Please note, and I hope I don’t even need to say this, that the genders and races of each of the characters has not been considered in this exercise. Instead, the abilities of the superheros as well as the demeanor of each character has been. Also, NO SPOILERS ARE IN THIS ARTICLE BECAUSE I’M NOT A MONSTER!!! Enjoy and have a great weekend!
Captain America - Carson Wentz
Oh Captain, my Captain. Just as Captain America metaphorically represents the great country of The United States of America, Carson Wentz represents everything Philadelphia. The man scored a TD with a torn ACL for Heaven’s sake. In addition to this, Captain America is known for being a militarily trained expert field tactician, while Wentz is a trained football field tactician.
Iron Man - Chris Long
From the day Chris Long signed with the Eagles, he has been a fan favorite, just as Tony Stark is with Marvel fans. Like Stark, Long is known for his witty sense of humor and his affinity for nerd culture (aka the finer things in life). Long even has enough money that he is content donating his entire salary for a year to charity while still giving his best day in and day out. Finally, like Iron Man, Long’s days with the Eagles could potentially be numbered.
Thor - Lane Johnson
When I think of Thor, I think of a strong, likable guy with a quick sense of humor and a slight accent. Who better fits this mold than our guy, Lane Johnson? Not to mention, who else would be able to pick up that hammer?
Hulk - Jason Peters
JP, like Dr. Bruce Banner, is wise beyond his years. He known for being the largest man in the room, and his loyalty is unquestioned. In the newest film, Hulk even does his best to grow a cute little beard, which would only make him an even better fit.
Spider-man - Nelson Agholor
Peter Parker and Nelson Agholor are both known for their friendly demeanor and seemingly innocent persona, yet when the daylight fades, both have been known to find themselves smack dab in the middle of some trouble. Jokes aside, Nelson is a small, quick player who can easily be underestimated, just as a teenager from NYC who doubles a super hero could be.
Star-Lord - Jason Kelce
Seriously, which other player could you envision walking across the surface of a foreign planet singing “Come and get your love” by Redbone? Peter Quill has become known for his silly sense of humor, and if giving an all-time great speech in a Mummers costume isn’t silly, I don’t know what is.
Drax the Destroyer - Fletcher Cox
Straight from Drax’s Wikipedia page: “[Drax’s] powers included superhuman strength, stamina and resistance to physical injury as well the ability to project concussive blasts [of energy]. Tell me that’s not our boy, Cox? I’m not sure how literal Fletcher takes things, but I am sure that I wouldn’t want to find out.
Rocket Raccoon - Ronald Darby
No one would be intimidated — or at least that intimidated — by a lone raccoon, right? However if that raccoon has armor, a pistol, a jet pack, and a group of super-power-possessing friends, like Rocket does, it’s a completely different story. That’s kind of how Darby is. He’s really not that big of a threat by himself, but when paired with a menacing defensive line and a strong safety net (see what I did there?) behind him, Darby is capable of being a solid player.
Groot - Brandon Brooks
While I must admit, BB has a tremendous Twitter presence, but I can’t honestly say that I’ve heard him say a word in real life. All I’m saying is that I can’t rule out the possibility that he can say anything other than “I am Brandon.”
Nebula - Zach Ertz
We are currently experiencing what is likely Nebula’s cinematic climax, and similarly Zach Ertz has probably peaked out. This isn’t a bad thing, however, as Zach Ertz is one of the most dangerous players at his position in the game, just as Nebula is one B.A.M.F.
Black Panther - Malcolm Jenkins
Named after the large cat of the same name, the Black Panther is known for his ability to hunt down his enemies, rarely letting one slip by. Jenkins dominates the field and is often found “hunting down enemies” himself. In addition to this, the Black Panther is the leader of a massive army, a stylish man, and regularly demonstrates his value off of the “battlefield”. Malcolm Jenkins is known as a community leader who is constantly thinking of ways to make change for the better.
Black Widow - Nigel Bradham
Black Widow is among the best athletes in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and Bradham is certainly a monster of an athlete himself. Black Widow also has a bio-enhanced body that prevents aging and injury. Maybe Bradham, who has missed just two games over his three seasons with the Eagles, should be tested for that...
Captain Marvel - Jordan Howard
In both cases, the newest addition to the team, but also one not to be feared. If their pasts are any indication of their future, the opposing forces better watch out.
Hawkeye - Jake Elliott
All I’m gonna say is, which Avenger would YOU trust from 61 yards out?
Doctor Strange - Jalen Mills
- 75% chance Jalen Mills owns a cape
- Hard to specifically say why you need either of them on the team, but its undeniable that you do.
Ant-Man - DeSean Jackson
Both Ant-Man and DeSean Jackson are tiny little terrors that you’d rather not face. Both are also capable of blowing up BIG TIME when the enemy is least expecting it. Also, Ant-Man and the Wasp are kind of like a gang, right, Chip?
War Machine - Brandon Graham
War Machine is to Iron Man as Brandon Graham is to Chris Long. Iron Man gets all of the credit but War Machine is the hero I’d rather have if you made me choose.
Falcon - Alshon Jeffery
Sometimes it seems like Alshon can infact fly.
Bucky Barnes - Sidney Jones
Bucky Brooks, or the Winter Soldier, is known for having a bionic arm. He also proudly rocks his long hair and is seemingly going to do something great soon. Sidney Jones, however, is known for having a bionic Achilles Tendon. He proudly rocks his dreads, and is surely going to break out this year. Or next. Or maybe the one after that.
Okoye - Rodney McLeod
Black Panthers right hand
man woman. If you mess with Malcolm, you mess with Rodney.
Mantis - Isaac Seumalo
I’m not really sure what either of them are ever doing, but usually when you do see them, you see them in a big way.
Scarlet Witch - Kamu Grugier-Hill
The Scarlet Witch is rarely seen, but when she is, she’s expelling all kinds of energy. KGH has been a monster on special teams and has earned more playing time, just as Scarlet Witch should probably just get her own movie.
Wasp - Derek Barnett
Barnett, like the Wasp, has a fairly new story line that I’m looking forward to seeing through. The potential is there, but what does the future have in store?
Malik Jackson - Korg
I honestly don’t know that much about either, but they’re both pretty damn intimidating and I’m just happy they’re on our side.