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FINAL SCORE: Eagles beat by Dolphins in most embarrassing loss of the Doug Pederson era, 37 to 31

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PATHETIC.

NFL: Philadelphia Eagles at Miami Dolphins Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

The Philadelphia Eagles are 5-7 after being defeated by the Miami Dolphins on Sunday. Final score: 37 to 31.

Lmao. What can you say? This team sucks ass.

FIRST QUARTER

Coin toss: Eagles win the toss, elect to defer. Dolphins offense up first.

Dolphins 1st drive: Ryan Fitzpatrick’s first pass of the game is ... picked off by Ronald Darby! He actually caught it! Now that’s a start. It helped that Kamu Grugier-Hill disrupted DeVante Parker’s route by just ... accidentally running into him. Surpised that wasn’t a penalty. Grugier-Hill is hurt but walks off the field. The play is reviewed and the ruling is confirmed.

Eagles 1st drive: Eagles take over at the Dolphins’ 18-yard line. Gotta get a touchdown here. Carson Wentz’s first throw is incomplete to Ertz, who tripped on his route. Almost picked off, yikes. Probably would’ve been a touchdown if Ertz doesn’t stumble. Miles Sanders takes a carry to make it 3rd-and-7. Wentz’s third down pass is a completion to a WIDE OPEN Sanders for a touchdown. Too easy. Good to see Wentz didn’t wildly overthrow Sanders like he did last week. Eagles take the early lead! EAGLES 7, DOLPHINS 0.

Dolphins 2nd drive: Grugier-Hill is back on the field. Timmy Jernigan stuffs the Dolphins’ first rushing attempt of the game. Good to see him show up after being real quiet. Fitzpatrick completes his first pass to bring up 3rd-and-3. Can the Eagles get a stop? Yes, they can. Josh Sweat easily beats the Dolphins’ left tackle to pick up the third down sack. Boom. Three-and-out. Greg Ward — not Boston Scott — is once again back for the punt.

Eagles 2nd drive: Bad Dolphins punt allows the Eagles to take over at Miami’s 48-yard line. Wentz’s first down throw is batted down in coverage by Christian Wilkins — yes, the defensive tackle. Alshon Jeffery makes a nice catch going to the ground beyond the sticks to give the Eagles a first down. Welcome back, Alshon. Wentz throws too high on a heater to Nelson Agholor to bring up 3rd-and-5. On third down, Wentz rolls out and takes a hit before throwing an incomplete pass on the run meant for Ward. It should be noted Ward (slot) was in ahead of JJ Arcega-Whiteside in 11 personnel. Wentz not looking super comfortable early on. Jake Elliott comes on to make the 48-yard field goal attempt. New contract extension: justified. And just like that the Birds have a double digit lead less than five minutes into the game. EAGLES 10, DOLPHINS 0.

Dolphins 3rd drive: Jernigan hits Fitzpatrick low to help force an incompletion but it ends up being a roughing the passer penalty. Tough call because Jernigan got tripped. Cre’Von LeBlanc appears to be splitting slot snaps with Avonte Maddox. Dolphins get to 3rd-and-9 and Derek Barnett sacks Fitzpatrick to force the punt. Barnett schooled Miami’s backup left tackle.

Eagles 3rd drive: No short field for the Eagles this time as they take over at their own 24-yard line. Wentz completes to Dallas Goedert for a first down catch-and-run. Jay Ajayi’s first run of the day is negated by a holding penalty on Isaac Seumalo. Agholor catches a short pass and breaks through a billion tackles to get a first down! And it’s called back due to a block in the back on Mack Hollins. Bad penalty for a guy who allegedly grades out as one of the team’s best players each week. Weak call but don’t give the refs the reason to make it. The Eagles get to 3rd-and-7 and Wentz’s third down pass attempt for JJ Arcega-Whiteside is knocked incomplete. Looked to me like JJAW drifted on his route just like he did against the Seahawks last week. Pretty troubling to see the Eagles’ passing attack can’t even excel against this awful Miami secondary! Craig James makes a nice special teams tackle on punt coverage. James has been pretty good on special teams in recent weeks.

Dolphins 4th drive: The Dolphins pick up 28 yards on an end around and move to midfield. On third down, Fitzpatrick commits intentional grounding but the refs pick up the flag for no good reason. Thanks for nothing! The Dolphins get to 4th-and-4 and go for it. Fitzpatrick chucks it up to Parker, who beats Darby on a contested catch (shades of a similar play in the 2017 preseason) and then runs into the end zone. That’s not a play an Eagles wide receiver can even dream of making. God, this team is so unfun. EAGLES 10, DOLPHINS 7.

Eagles 4th drive: Sanders takes a carry for a first down. Wentz completes to Ward to bring up 3rd-and-4. Agholor catches Wentz’s throw on a slant for the first down. Good, tough catch in a tight window. That’s the end of the first quarter.

SECOND QUARTER

Eagles 4th drive (continued): Eagles get to 3rd-and-6 and Wentz makes a nice throw to Jeffery, who makes a nice catch as well. Good to see those two clicking. On 3rd-and-2, a miscommunication leads to an incompletion. The Eagles go for it on 4th-and-2 and Jason Peters is called for a false start. Thanks a lot, JP. The Eagles settle for a 43-yard Elliott field goal. He makes it to reach 16/16 on the year. You really wish the Eagles were making offense look easier against this awful Dolphins defense. EAGLES 13, DOLPHINS 7.

Dolphins 5th drive: Fletcher Cox gets hurt on a Dolphins screen play. Great. The Dolphins get to 3rd-and-13 and Fitzpatrick chucks it deep to Parker, who makes another jump ball catch with Darby “covering” him. Darby just doesn’t stand a chance on those plays. The Dolphins move into the red zone. Cox is back in. Anthony Rush bats a pass at the line to bring up 3rd-and-7. On third down, Barnett ALMOST gets to Fitzpatrick for a strip-sack but it’s completed instead to set up goal-to-go territory. Great. Barnett is called for offside to give the Dolphins 2nd-and-goal from the 5-yard line. The Dolphins get to 3rd-and-goal and Fitzpatrick’s throw for Parker is mercifully incomplete. The Dolphins challenge for pass interference on Jalen Mills, though, and it’s successful! Lol, wow. Refs haven’t been overturning those all year and they do it now? The Dolphins get 1st-and-goal from the 1-yard line but Vinny Curry sacks Fitzpatrick. And now Barnett is limping off the field. Fitzpatrick runs to the 2-yard line. On 3rd-and-goal, Fitzpatrick’s throw into the end zone is incomplete. The Dolphins run a trick play on fourth down and the punter flips the ball to the kicker for a touchdown. Third straight week the defense has been beat by a trick play. The Eagles are down to the DOLPHINS. This is fucking pathetic. EAGLES 13, DOLPHINS 14.

Eagles 5th drive: The Eagles methodically move past midfield. A screen to Goedert gets the Birds to the 20-yard line. Ajayi fails to pick up a first on 3rd-and-2 despite having the blocking to do so. He’s looking cooked. On 3rd-and-2, Goedert catches a speed out to JUST pick up the first down. Rarely looks easy for this offense. The Eagles reach 1st-and-goal from the 10-yard line with 20 seconds left. Goedert picks up a false start to knock the team back to the 15-yard line. So many stupid penalties. Wentz throws to Goedert and it’s low and incomplete. Wentz’s throw for Sanders is overthrown. Great. On third down, Wentz rolls right, extends the play, and hits JJ Arcega-Whiteside out of structure for the rookie receiver’s first career NFL touchdown. Much-needed for JJAW. The Eagles go for the two-point conversion and Wentz lofts a ball to Agholor, who actually tracks it (!) and catches it. Great response drive by the Birds. Great to see Wentz looking better. EAGLES 21, DOLPHINS 14.

Dolphins 6th drive: Dolphins kneel to end the first half.

THIRD QUARTER

Eagles 7th drive: The Eagles attempt an onside kick but the Eagles recover at the Dolphins’ 47-yard line. Wentz hits Jeffery over the middle and the Eagles are at the Dolphins 32-yard line. The Eagles get to 3rd-and-3 and Wentz rolls left to hit Goedert for another first down into the red zone. Eagles making a good effort of getting Wentz out of the pocket. The Eagles get to 3rd-and-5 from the 11-yard line. On third down, the Eagles go tempo and Wentz hits Jeffery over the middle for a touchdown. Nice diving effort from Jeffery. Another great drive from the Eagles’ offense. Exactly what they need to be doing against a terrible Dolphins defense. EAGLES 28, DOLPHINS 14.

Dolphins 7th drive: Now it’s time for the Eagles’ defense to help make this a blowout. Or not. Mike Gesicki makes an over-the-shoulder catch on a Fitzpatrick throw past midfield. Nigel Bradham leaves the game to be evaluated for a head injury. The Dolphins move into the red zone and Fitzpatrick throws another jump ball to Parker, who catches it over a stumbling Mills for ANOTHER touchdown. So much for Philly’s recent defensive improvement. It’s almost like it’s illegal for the Eagles’ offense and defense to play well at the same time. Ugh. At least the Dolphins miss the extra point. EAGLES 28, DOLPHINS 20.

Eagles 8th drive: The offense continues to hum as the Eagles move past midfield once again. Wentz is dealing for the first time in too long. Sanders run gets the Eagles to the 20-yard line. Ertz drops a throw that would’ve set up goal-to-go territory. Smh. On 3rd-and-7, Wentz is sacked. Bad. Ajayi failed to block anyone on that play. The Eagles settle for a 49-yard field goal and Elliott ... misses it wide left. Not the best time for Elliott’s first field goal miss. That Ertz drop took at least three points off the board.

Dolphins 8th drive: Bradham is back in the game. The Dolphins take over on their own 39-yard line. Jernigan is called for his second roughing the passer penalty of the game. Barnett is back in the game as he logs a tackle for loss. The Dolphins get to 3rd-and-8 from the Eagles’ 28-yard line and Fitzpatrick completes a pass over the middle for a first down. Lol at this defense. Fitzpatrick tosses another touchdown to Gesicki with Mills beat once again. Lol. Just pathetic. The Dolphins go for two and Barnett pressures Fitzpatrick into a sack. This is looking so much harder than it should be. EAGLES 28, DOLPHINS 26.

Eagles 9th drive: Wentz’s first down pass is a throwaway. Sanders runs for a 4-yard gain. On 3rd-and-6, Wentz airs it out to Jeffery, who draws a pass interference penalty. Former Eagles cornerback Ryan Lewis with the illegal grab there. Wentz has Jeffery open along the sideline again but sails the throw out of bounds. C’mon, Carson. And it gets worse:

FOURTH QUARTER

Eagles 9th drive (continued): On 3rd-and-14, Wentz airs it out for Jeffery but it’s overthrown and dropped by a Dolphins defender. Wentz suddenly struggling again.

Dolphins 9th drive: On 3rd-and-2, the Dolphins pick up a big gain. This defense has no answers right now. Mills knocks down a pass on 3rd-and-4 but it’s pass interference and a Dolphins first down. Of course. Another big Dolphins passing play from Fitz to Parker and Miami is into the red zone. Another Dolphins first down aided by some sloppy tackling puts Miami in goal-to-go territory from the 4-yard line. The Dolphins hand the ball off for a rushing touchdown up the gut. Again, this is fucking pathetic. The Dolphins go for two and they get it. Lmao. 96 yards in nine plays. EAGLES 28, DOLPHINS 34.

Eagles 10th drive: On 3rd-and-4, Wentz overthrows Jeffery and there’s a flag. Defensive pass intereference? NOPE! Offensive pass interference on Agholor, haha. Three-and-out. This team suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.

Dolphins 10th drive: Bradham knocks down a Fitz pass. Fitz throws too high to bring up 3rd-and-10. Can the defense FINALLY get a much-needed stop?! Nope. Fitz hits an open Albert Wilson with Maddox falling down in coverage. This entire team sucks. The Dolphins get to 3rd-and-1 and Jenkins helps to knock it down. Wow, someone finally made a play. On 4th-and-1, Fitz throws to Parker for a first down. The Eagles really do not deserve to win this game. Gesicki gets called for pushing off Mills and the Dolphins are set back to 2nd-and-21 from their 41-yard line. The Dolphins get to 3rd-and-14 from the 34-yard line as the Eagles take their first timeout with 3:46 left in the game. On third down, Jim Schwartz sends a blitz and the Dolphins pick up a 1-yard running gain. The Eagles take their timeout with 3:42 left to force a 51-yard field goal attempt. Dolphins kicker Jason Sanders makes the kick. The Dolphins have a two-possession lead with 3:37 remaining. EAGLES 28, DOLPHINS 37.

Eagles 11th drive: Wentz hits a wide open Jeffery to get the Eagles past midfield. Wentz hits Jeffery again for another first down. Wentz hits Agholor on a nice strike for another chunk gain, but it’s ruled incomplete. Doug Pederson challenges and the officials overturn the call. Right decision. Agholor only lost control after he was already downed/out of bounds. Wentz throws to Ertz in the end zone and the tight end just drops it. Awful. Another huge mistake by No. 86. Wentz gets sacked and fumbles but recovers to bring up 3rd-and-17. Wentz’s third down throw for Jeffery is too high and out of bounds. The Eagles brings on Elliott for the 37-yard field goal and he makes it with 1:51 remaining. Back to a one score game. EAGLES 31, DOLPHINS 37.

Dolphins 11th drive: The Eagles try a poor looking onside kick attempt and the Dolphins recover. The Dolphins run the clock and punt.

Eagles 12th drive: The Eagles take over with 8 seconds left at their own 31-yard line. The Dolphins take their final timeout. Jeffery makes a catch along the sideline with 2 seconds remaining to set up a Hail Mary from the Dolphins’ 49-yard line. Wentz’s Hail Mary throw is batted and ... picked off. What a fucking pathetic loss.

FINAL SCORE: 37 to 31, Eagles lose.

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