FINAL SCORE: Eagles embarrassed in blowout loss to Cowboys, 37 to 10

The Philadelphia Eagles are 3-4 after losing to the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday Night Football. Final score: 37 to 10. It was a huge game and they didn’t even show up for it. Pretty pathetic.

Read on for a recap, if you like to torture yourself.

FIRST QUARTER

Coin toss: Eagles win the coin and elect to RECEIVE. Doug Pederson wasn’t joking about changing his typical strategy to defer. Only second time in his career he’s done this, first time was back in 2016. Trying to get off to a fast start.

Eagles 1st drive: Carson Wentz’s first pass attempt to Nelson Agholor is complete for a 4-yard gain. Then it’s a run to set up 3rd-and-1. Wentz sneaks forward for the first down. Wentz targets Alshon Jeffery down the field, Jeffery is yanked by the Cowboys defender, and there’s a flag for defensive pass interference. Or not, because the refs inexplicably pick it up. It’s not tangled feet when Jeffery is getting grabbed. Great to see the officiating bullshit has started early! Wentz completes a pass over the middle to Dallas Goedert, who FUMBLES and the Cowboys recover. This team can sure be really dumb! Oh, and Goedert is now injured, because of course.

Cowboys 1st drive: Jalen Mills and Rasul Douglas are the starting cornerbacks with Orlando Scandrick in the slot. No Ronald Darby despite the fact he’s active. The Cowboys drive into the red zone and Tavon Austin takes a pitch 20 yards to the end zone. Juked former Cowboys corner (and double agent?!) Orlando Scandrick en route to the score. The Eagles sure do hate having leads! What a bad start. EAGLES 0, COWBOYS 7.

Eagles 2nd drive: Goedert is back on the field after getting looked at on the sideline. DeMarcus Lawrence gets his first career sack against the Eagles by strip-sacking Wentz after badly beating Lane Johnson. Cowboys recover. Lmao. This team!

Cowboys 2nd drive: Ezekiel Elliott runs right over Malcolm Jenkins for a Cowboys touchdown. The Eagles suck, man. Oh, wait, it’s called back to the 1-yard line! But Zeke gets the rushing touchdown anyway. This Eagles team is entirely detestable. EAGLES 0, COWBOYS 14.

Eagles 3rd drive: Miles Sanders makes a bad decision to bring it out of the end zone and the Eagles take over at their own 13-yard line. Can this team do anything right?. Wentz overthrows Jeffery on third down and it’s three-and-out. Or not, because the Eagles are bailed out by a weak roughing the passer call on Jaylon Smith. They’ll take it. Jordan Howard picks up a first down on a 16-yard carry. Nice. Wentz hits Jeffery in the hands and he drops it. Cowboys called for unnecessary roughness, though. Another fortunate break for the Eagles. Eagles run Howard twice for another first down. Wentz floats a ball to Goedert in the end zone, who makes a GREAT over-the-shoulder catch for the touchdown! I can’t believe he actually made that because that’s a throw we’re used to seeing get dropped this season. Some redemption there for Goedert. EAGLES 7, COWBOYS 14.

Cowboys 3rd drive: Okay, can the defense actually get a stop or come up with a big takeaway? Cowboys get to 3rd-and-8. Dak Prescott has all day to throw and hits Randall Cobb for a first down. Cowboys throw again for another first. What a surprise, the Eagles’ secondary not offering much resistance! The Eagles finally get some pressure in the form of Derek Barnett beating Tyron Smith with his bend around the edge and sacking Prescott. That’s an encouraging thing! Josh Sweat (!) nearly sacks Prescott on third down but it’s a throwaway instead. Cowboys punt. Nice stop by Jim Schwartz’s unit.

Eagles 4th drive: Eagles start at their own 10-yard line and run Howard for no gain.

SECOND QUARTER

Eagles 4th drive (continued): Howard takes it again to bring up 3rd-and-4. Miles Sanders runs for three yards and it’s 4th-and-1. The Eagles punt. What the hell is that? Three straight runs? Wentz was looking good on the last drive. The Eagles paid him $128 million. Let him throw the ball! Also, Sanders, hit the freaking hole for once.

Cowboys 4th drive: The Eagles stuff Prescott’s sneak attempt to bring up 4th-and-1. Daeshon Hall with the stop! The Cowboys go for it and Prescott rolls out and tosses it to Zeke for the first. Welp. The Eagles have Tony Pollard stopped in the backfield ... or not, because he breaks out of it for a first down. Such poor tackling. The Cowboys air it out and Amari Cooper catches a touchdown with Jalen Mills in the area. But nope! Cooper is flagged for offensive pass interference ... and there’s an offensive holding anyway. Cowboys get to 3rd-and-4 from the Eagles’ 24-yard and Prescott completes it for another first into the red zone. Cobb beats Scandrick (DOUBLE AGENT ALERT) on a slant to put the Cowboys at the 1-yard line. Barnett is injured. Prescott tosses a touchdown to a wide open Blake Jarwin. Cowboys back up two scores. Great thing the Eagles established the run on their last driv though! EAGLES 7, COWBOYS 21.

Eagles 5th drive: Wentz slides and the ball comes out when his elbow hits the ground but the refs correctly rule he gave himself up. Eagles get to 3rd-and-4 and Wentz completes to Goedert for the first. Leighton Vander Esch is hurt for the Cowboys. Meanwhile, Hassan Ridgeway is hurt for the Eagles and Philly is down to just Fletcher Cox and Akeem Spence at defensive tackle. Bad! Back to the offense, the Eagles are still running the ball way too much. Eagles get to 3rd-and-7 after Wentz has to dodge multiple defenders and throw the ball way. On third down, Wentz fails to see the slot cornerback blitzing and gets sacked. C’mon, Carson. Eagles have to punt.

Cowboys 5th drive: Cowboys get to 3rd-and-10 and Prescott’s pass is incomplete. Jenkins called for hands to the face and it’s a Cowboys first down. Prescott takes a shot down the field to a wide open Cooper with Rasul Douglas trailing. Lol. Brandon Graham has Zeke squared up in the backfield until Zeke jukes him for a first down. The Cowboys get into the red zone but have to settle for a chip shot field goal. Three possession game. EAGLES 7, COWBOYS 24.

Eagles 6th drive: Another three-and-out? A crushing turnover? What do the Eagles have in store here? Answer: Wentz sacked on first down to bring up 2nd-and-18. Cool. Andre Dillard gives up pressure to Robert Quinn and Wentz’s arm is hit as he throws for an incompletion. The Eagles run the ball on 3rd-and-18 to force the Cowboys to take a timeout. Punt.

Cowboys 6th drive: Cowboys take over at their own 30-yard line. The Eagles’ defense allows them to dink and dunk down the field to give Brett Maher a chance at a 63-yard field goal attempt. The kick is predictably good. And the Cowboys get the ball to start the second half! Great stuff, Eagles! Way to show up in your biggest game of the year! EAGLES 7, COWBOYS 27.

THIRD QUARTER

Cowboys 7th drive: Cowboys get to 3rd-and-7. How will the Cowboys easily get a first down this time? Answer: Douglas called for pass interference on Cooper. First down. Prescott spins out of a sack from Barnett to then get sacked by Ridgeway, who is back in the game. At least Barnett is showing up in this game? Fletcher Cox strip sacks Prescott but the Cowboys recover to bring up 3rd-and-30. That’s Cox’s first sack of the season ... in Week 7. The Eagles manage to get off the field on third down. Without sarcasm: good start to the second half.

Eagles 7th drive: Boston Scott has a nice punt return but it’s called back due to an unnecessary block in the back from Rudy Ford. Second week in a row with a bad penalty from Ford. Special teams has been bad tonight. Eagles take over at their own 15-yard line and their first play is ... a run. Okay. And then another run. It’s 3rd-and-4 now. Wentz to Jeffery for a first down. Wentz spins away from pressure to hit a wide open Agholor for another first. Sanders takes a toss for no gain. STOP RUNNING! Wentz throws a nice ball down the field to an open Jeffery to move the Eagles into the red zone. Receivers actually creating separation? What is this? Howard carry up the gut brings up 3rd-and-7. Wentz throws to Zach Ertz for his first completion of the night (!) and it’s short of the sticks. Lane Johnson — not having a good night! — is called for hands to the face anyway and that knocks the Eagles back to 3rd-and-17. Wentz throws to Jeffery in the end zone but it’s a tad too high and incomplete. Eagles settle for the field goal to turn a three possession game into ... a three possession game. Jake Elliott makes the kick to stay perfect on the season. Six minutes of clock for only three points. EAGLES 10, COWBOYS 27.

Cowboys 8th drive: Eagles need a pick six or something here. Instead, it’s Zeke running the ball with ease. That is, until the Cowboys are called for holding to step them back to 1st-and-20 from their own 30-yard. Cowboys easily make up for some of the lost yardage with Prescott throwing to a wide open Michael Gallup for 12 yards. Then Pollard is tackled in the backfield to set up 3rd-and-12. On third down, the Cowboys run a wide receiver screen to Gallup and it goes for a first down. Can’t get off the field. Cowboys get knocked back to 1st-and-19 with another holding penalty. Meanwhile, Cox is being evaluated for injury. Prescott takes a designed run to bring up the end of the third quarter. Little tussle between him and Jenkins.

FOURTH QUARTER

Cowboys 8th drive (continued): Cox back on the field. On 3rd-and-6, Cooper makes a great catch along the sideline for a first down into the red zone. Wasn’t even bad coverage from Jalen Mills, just a great throw and catch. Cowboys settle for a 29-yard field goal and it’s back to a 20-point game with 12:36 left in the game. Don’t think the Eagles will be winning this one, folks! EAGLES 10, COWBOYS 30.

Eagles 8th drive: Wentz to Ertz goes for a first down. Ertz’s first reception of the game, for real this time. Wentz dodges pressure and fires an impressive throw to Ertz along the sideline for a 41-yard gain. Ertz only gets one foot in, though, and the Cowboys rightfully challenge to make the play incomplete. That kinda night! Wentz throws over the middle and he’s picked off by Xavier Woods. Just threw it right to him. Bad.

Cowboys 9th drive: Prescott airs it out deep into the end zone and Mills makes an impressive leaping intercepton. Pretty nice play by the Green Goblin in his first game back.

Eagles 9th drive: Wentz airs it out deep to Agholor and — surprise! Agholor can’t track it well as he gives an alligator arm effort for the ball. No attempt to lay out for the catch. He’s been so useles this season. Next play, Wentz can’t catch the snap and the Cowboys recover. Sure, why not.

Cowboys 10th drive: Prescott runs for a touchdown. Sure, why not. EAGLES 10, COWBOYS 37.

Eagles 10th drive: Eagles drive down the field but then turn the ball over on downs.

Cowboys 11th drive: Cowboys drive a bit and then punt.

Eagles 11th drive: Wentz is still in the game for some reason as the Eagles are giving carries to Boston Scott to run the clock.

FINAL SCORE: 37 to 10, Eagles lose.

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