FanPost

What They're Saying About The Eagles: Rams Edition

Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Promoted from the FanPosts.]

Heya all,

I have to start this whole thing by raining love and affection on TB Eisen.

I for one, and the fact is there are legions of others who feel as I do, absolutely loved their Series: What They're Saying. I looked forward to it every week. It was the icing on the cake of the most recent Eagles victory: the funny comments from other blogs, stupid Cowboy fans being...well Cowboy fans. It was a collection of thoughts taken on the fly from this emotional stew we call football.

I remember the forum holding its breath after Super Bowl 52...waiting for the ultimate WTS.

And TB did not disappoint. That four part series covering the whole game was a magnum opus that I still go back and read (I may have also rewatched the game itself 14 times....you know you did it too, filthy liar). That had to have been a ton of work and I give TB mad props for doing that, for all of us.

Maybe it's this long emotional roller coaster called the 2018 Eagle Season, but for whatever reason...TB (hey TB...can I call you TB ??) hasn't done a WTS in a long time. I tried reaching out to TB a few months ago, to give some encouragement in the hopes that WTS would come back.... but didn't hear anything. After emailing BLG, I got the fateful words, "who are you, and why are you bothering me ".

Actually, he said "give it a shot".

As I always do what BLG says (long may he reign), below is my feeble attempt to recreate some of TB Eisen's magic. I hope you like it. I had a lot of fun putting it together (and got closer to my elusive carpal tunnel goal).

A few changes:

I've only pulled from the Rams, Cowboys (bonus at the end) and Eagles feeds this time (there were lots and lots of comments overall and I'd be writing till Superbowl 54 if I did all the teams).

I decided to start with the Rams game, which is really where the season turned around, and follow us through till the end...hopefully after Super Bowl 53. I figured reliving the biggest win since LII would give us some momentum heading into the 2018 playoffs.

With all that said, lets Rock and Roll!

PREGAME

Observations:

1) Rams are pretty confident (as they should be). 13 point favorites

2) If the outcome was decided by number of comments, we would have crushed them 4 times over.

3) BGN was way better keeping track of game action. Rams Blog was high on bath salts or something

4) The vuvuzela /vuːvuːˈzɛlə/, also known as lepatata (its Tswana name), is a plastic horn, about 65 centimetres (2 ft) long, which produces a loud monotone note, typically around B♭ 3 (the B♭ below middle C). My madness will become apparent later, stay with me.

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(Yes our logo is bigger than yours, Los Angeles. Artistic license, deal with it)

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^ Graphic, but accurate

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There were 10,000 more "run the ball" in there, trust me

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FIRST QUARTER

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3 points. Soul crushing.

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Only when the QB needs his binky

RAMS SCORE A TD AND ORDER IS RESTORED TO THE UNIVERSE

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People say the Eagles are not good. The guy with the broccoli falafel in row G

EAGLES GET THE BALL AND MOVE IT SOME (but have to punt)

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FIRST QUARTER

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Oh Snap

EAGLES FIELD GOAL TO DRAW FIRST BLOOD

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RAMS SCORE A TD, COX IS HURT

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Is this a Pirates of the Caribbean reference? Wouldn't it be rum in that case?

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SECOND QUARTER AND SCREW YOU TURF SHOW TIMES FOR PUTTING EVERY COMMENT IN ONE GOD FORSAKEN LONG THREAD

RAMS LEAD 7-3

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EAGLES SCORED A FG SOMEWHERE BUT THE RAMS DIDN'T TALK ABOUT IT SO THE HELL WITH IT


7-6 Rams lead

RAMS GET THE BALL READY TO ASSERT DOMINANCE

THEN THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENS

GOFF PICKED

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Some constructive dialog breaks out:

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Bonus points for "ipso facto"

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Meh indeed, Mr Fish

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THE COLD SPECTRE OF DOUBT BEGINS TO CREEP

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That might be true

EAGLES TD !! 13-7 EAGLES LEAD. COLLINSWORTH MAKES SOME FRIENDS

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SOME OTHER ACTION ENSUES. I MISSED ANOTHER FG IN HERE SOMEWHERE BUT RAMS BLOG CARES NOT FOR FGs SO THERE IS NO HISTORICAL RECORD

SCORE AT THE HALF 13-13

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SECOND QUARTER (RAMS 7, EAGLES 3)

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EAGLES START A GOOD DRIVE

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Interesting concept. Get me a working script and Tom Cruise on line 1.

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EAGLES GET CLOSE BUT THEN:

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EAGLES SETTLE FOR 3 (RAMS 7, EAGLES 6) BGN loves FGs

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RAMS GET THE BALL BUT THEN:

GOFF PICKED

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^I think this is a Patton reference....for you old timers

DOUBT STILL REMAINS

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SUBSEQUENT EAGLES DRIVE STALLS AFTER 4th DOWN

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RAMS THEN START TO MOVE

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^ You and me both, brother

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EAGLES FORCE A FG WITH A SACK (10-6 Rams)

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EAGLES GET THE BALL DOWN 10-6

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^Christmas came early (almost)

MOB IS RESTLESS

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BUT THEN....ALSHON BIG CATCH

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AND ADAMS FINISHES (13-10 EAGLES)

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RAMS GET THE BALL AND DO SOME STUFF.

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BUT EAGLES GET THE STOP. MORE MADDOX ACTION. FG TIES THE GAME at 13

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^Dream on loser. Never gonna happen

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THE HALFTIME SHOW

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THIRD QUARTER

TIE GAME 13 ALL

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(EYE OF THE TIGER PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND)

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ALSHON 50 YARD BOMB WHERE AGGY WAS CLOSEST DEFENDER

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SMALLWOOD TD RUN (EAGLES 20-RAMS 13)

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RAMS GET THE BALL BUT GO 3 and OUT

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Harlequin icthyosis is some next level whining, wow (and no...don't go look it up)

(...you just did, didn't you? SMH....millennials....)

EAGLES BALL, 10 play 52 yard DRIVE FOR A FG (23-13 Good Guys)

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RAMS BALL. SHOWTIME FOR MR GOFF

OVER THE SHOULDER COAL HEAVE SHOVEL PASS SPIDER Y 2 BANANNA

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EAGLES BALL AT RAMS 12. SURELY THE DEFENSE WILL HOLD

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NO. SMALLWOOD TD (EAGLES 30-RAMS 13)

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RAMS BALL, BUT FAIL TO GET A FIRST DOWN. PUNTER THROWS A COMPLETE PASS ON 4th...OR DOES HE

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THIRD QUARTER

EAGLES 13, RAMS 13

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EAGLES GET THE BALL BUT DON'T DO MUCH. TEAMS TRADE SOME 3 and OUTS

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CAMERON GREAT PUNT: RAMS BALL AT THEIR OWN 5

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EAGLES D PLAYING WITH THEIR HAIR ON FIRE

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RAMS PUNT, EAGLES BALL 13-13 TIE

50 YARD BOMB WITH AGGY DEFENDING ALSHON (BADLY)

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SMALLWOOD TD (EAGLES 20, RAMS 13)

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SOME STUFF HAPPENS, RAMS PUNT. EAGLES GET A FG (23-13 Good Guys)

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It was me. You're welcome

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^(some drinking going on at this point, I think)

RAMS BALL. TIME FOR MR GOFF TO REDEEM HIMSELF

STEPPED ON OVER THE SHOULDER NO LOOK SHOVEL PASS ON TURBOOOOO SET

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SMALLWOOD TD (EAGLES 30, RAMS 13)

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RAMS BALL DOWN 17, FAKE PUNT HITS THE GROUND

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Scotchy Scotch. I love Scotch

FOURTH QUARTER

EAGLES 30, RAMS 13

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ALL ABOARD THE BLOWOUT HOME LOSS.....UNTIL NICK MAKES HIS ONLY MISTAKE

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SOME GOFF HATE FLOWS. RAMS GET AN UNDOCUMENTED FG (30-16 Good guys)

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EAGLES CANT DO ANYTHING AND PUNT

RAMS SCORE A TD with 4 MINUTES LEFT (30-23 Good Guys)

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EAGLES GET THE BALL AND ONLY USE A MINUTE OF CLOCK. 3 MINUTES LEFT. EAGLES PUNTING THE BALL TO A SURGING RAMS TEAM....

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EAGLES GET THE BALL, 90 SECONDS TO GO, LINE UP FOR A 53 YARD FG TO ICE IT

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^(I'm confused....what's the sun have to do with this night game)


ELLIOT MISSES, RAMS HAVE 73 SECONDS TO GO 55 YARDS

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LAST THROW INCOMPLETE. GAME OVER. EAGLES 30, RAMS 23

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AND THE BEST COMMENT FOR LAST

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Yes....YES WE DO

FOURTH QUARTER

EAGLES 30, RAMS 13

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EAGLES KNOCKING ON THE DOOR TO END IT....and THEN FOLES....

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RAMS TAKE OVER AND CONSUME 5 MINUTES OF CLOCK TO GET A FG

EAGLES 30, RAMS 16

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^ Yes a shameless plug for myself. Helluva comment, IMHO

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BUT EAGLES LINE UP TO PUNT WITH 5 MINUTES LEFT....AND THIS GUY SAYS

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BUT HE'S TOO SOON !

RAMS GET THE BALL AND START TO DRIVE

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^ This guy freaking nailed it....wow. Tell me the PowerBall #s please

RAMS TD, 30-23 NOW, 4 MINUTES LEFT

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EAGLES GET THE BALL BUT HAVE A DISASTROUS DRIVE of 1 MINUTE

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EAGLES HAVE TO PUNT WITH 3 MINUTES LEFT

BALL ARCS THROUGH THE AIR TOWARDS JO JO... AND REMEMBER THIS GUY ?

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WELL.....ABOUT THAT

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DONE. TOO SLOW NORM

EAGLES TRY TO GET IN FG RANGE TO END IT

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JAKE LINES UP TO KICK A 54 YARDER to END IT, 80 SECONDS LEFT

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JAKE MISSES !

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EAGLES NEED TO HOLD, RAMS BALL 70 SECONDS LEFT, 55 YARDS TO PAYDIRT

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MADDOX THEN MAKES A HUGE PLAY, KEEPING GURLEY IN BOUNDS

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LAST PLAY.....

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(^there were 10,000 more "not gonna score" in there. Trust me)

PASS INCOMPLETE. CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER

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^ WELL....ABOUT THAT LAST PART...

BONUS OVERTIME COWBOY COMMENTS

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(I decided to just put in the biggest moments of the game: Pre-game, The Goff Coal-Heaver Impression, The Muffed Punt, and the Final Play)

PREGAME

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^ Nah. They are asleep at the switch over there

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GOFF SHOVEL PASS TO NOWHERE

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^ lol

THE MUFFED PUNT

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^ THAT WERE PURTY GOL DURN FUNNY CAMRIN !

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If this is your first night at Fight Club, I will kick your ass

THE FINAL PLAY

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^ Those losers will never get in Mr Brendy

OK, PEACE OUT FOLKS. FLY EAGLES FLY