If you’re one of the 35.6 thousand lucky folks to follow our fearless leader on Twitter, you know that BLG is a frugal tweeter. He largely uses his account to share articles and occasionally quote-tweet some Eagles snark. As one might imagine, the Eagles’ Super Bowl Championship (which is what you get after winning the Super Bowl, which the Eagles did) has meant a lot to BLG. He’s an Eagles fan; he covers the Eagles professionally. But what really means the most? He has a constant referent for almost every notable national event.
Super (Bowl) Eagles— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) June 22, 2018
A great example: This was just last week, as the Nigeria national team soundly beat Iceland in a World Cup group stage match. The Nigerian team is also known as the Super Eagles, and you can draw the lines from there.
This isn’t a wildly creative, incendiary, or relevant (sorry, soccer fans) tweet, so it doesn’t score well on our official rankings of BLG’s top Super Bowl tweets.
We scoured the annals of BLG’s timeline to amass as many of his Eagles = Super Bowl champion references. To qualify for ranking, the tweet had to:
- Include at least two of the words “Eagles,” “Super,” “Bowl,” and “Champion/Championship”
- Not include an article, but stand alone as its own Tweet
- Explicitly state the Eagles’ current state as Super Bowl champions (duh)
Tweets were graded on a weighted, bootstrapped, cross-checked, FDA-approved scale that measured five primary factors: national relevance, general smugness, creativity, popularity/exposure, and the elusive je ne sais quoi that makes BLG, BLG. The specific formula, of course, is too precious to reveal. Trust me that these rankings were taken as seriously as deflated playoff footballs (a crime committed by the New England Patriots (who lost to Super Bowl 52 (to the Philadelphia Eagles))).
Eagles won the Super Bowl.— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) June 21, 2018
Clean, concise, and pure. This tweet, of course, gets strong marks in terms of exposure as well as BLGicity, as this sentence alone his pre-packaged response to every Minnesotan, New Englander, or Sodomite that comes trolling in his mentions about the Vikings, Patriots, or Cowboys. What’s really important here is the date: this was last week.
BLG was on vacation.
Haloti Ngata said it excited him that the Super Bowl champs wanted him.— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) March 15, 2018
(He’s referring to the Eagles, of course, who won the Super Bowl this year. The Super Bowl champs.)
It’s not overly creative, popular, or relevant—though it was the beginning of free agency, so it did have it’s place. No, the big point scorers here were smugness and BLGicity—as they will be with any tweet that repeats that the Eagles were Super Bowl Champions. Which is what happens when you win the Super Bowl. Which the Eagles did.
See what I mean?
The Eagles will never win the Super Bowl.— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) April 20, 2018
This is the most sorely underrated of the Top 10, and should have scored better in the popularity category. It’s relevant—this SB Nation prompt was pinwheeling across the Twitterverse at the time—and smug. But on top of that, it is decently creative.
It may read as a bit of a reach at first, but rewind the mental clock one year: that first line may have very well been your answer. It may be tough to recollect—I’ve likely suppressed the memories—but a life devoid of Bleeding Green Lombardis was a real and visceral fear of mine as a wee lad. My parents brought me to a psychotherapist, who diagnosed me with Vinatieraphobia. I tagged all conference championship games with trigger warnings. I thought there was an empty trophy case hiding underneath my bed at night.
Don’t let the fact that a No. 16 seed beat a No. 1 seed distract you from the fact the Eagles defeated the Patriots in the Super Bowl.— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) March 17, 2018
See, this one shouldn’t even score this high, to be honest. It got way more play than it deserved for the quality of tweet—and it gets a ton of bonus points for this:
In fairness to Virginia they were playing without Sean Lee tonight.— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) March 17, 2018
1) The Cowboys are mediocre with him.— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) May 21, 2018
2) That makes the Cowboys easier for the Eagles to beat.
3) Beating the Cowboys helps the Eagles win the Super Bowl.https://t.co/zTNc0jqiWk
Does this Tweet pass the demand to explicit state the Eagles won the Super Bowl? Eh. Does it make me want to find the nearest Cowboy fan, throw my phone in his face, and flip him two birds? More than a little bit, yeah.
Let’s also talk about BLG quote-tweeting the article from the SB Nation site (for whom he works) that covers the Cowboys and still coming with unfazed smoke. Imagine having to generate sad, self-pitying content like that, and the man squarely at the intersection of “professional sportswriter” and “petty trash talker” can’t even have mercy and let it slide by. Lord.
Must suck to root for the Cowboys. Sad!
Weird. For some reason I’m not getting the usual responses from Cowboys fans about the Eagles having no Super Bowl rings.— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) April 13, 2018
RRRRAAAA!! DON’T SLEEP DALLAS! NEVER SAFE!
Haven’t heard Boston fans this quiet since the Patriots lost to the Eagles in the Super Bowl.— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) May 28, 2018
EVERYBODY CAN GET SOME! BEST GET YOUR PONCHO AND GALOSHES IT’S RAINING ON THE STREETS!
In all seriousness, after (future Sixer) LeBron James beat the Boston Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals, firing off this Tweet broke the meters for smugness and relevance. What is it about New Englanders that makes them so much fun to kick while they’re down?
Tom Brady “dropped the ball” in the Super Bowl where the Eagles beat the Patriots https://t.co/aHGNbEV8HM— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) May 10, 2018
This is the final installment in our “Franchises Who Had it Coming” mini-series. It proves an appropriate capstone as it targets not so much a team, but a man, and not so much a man, but a bratty, mouth-kissing gasbag who, if he hadn’t insisted on being quarterback in every backyard football game in grade school, could have learned how to track and secure an over-the-shoulder throw, thereby not failing his team on the largest stage, as a true GOAT would never do.
Roses are red,— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) February 14, 2018
The Eagles won the Super Bowl.
It was almost impossible to split the final hair between #1 and #2, for truly this tweet is the pinnacle of all BLG Super Bowl tweets. It’s unbearably smug, it’s obviously relevant, it did good numbers, it has that BLG pacing and tone, and it is creative—how many “Roses are Red” sonnets do you know that end after two lines? It makes you chuckle and shake your head; it reminds you of the important things in life (Football > love); and it rhymes so effing good.
No one likes us— Brandon Lee Gowton (@BrandonGowton) February 10, 2018
No one likes us
No one liiiiikes us
We don’t care
We’re from Philly
No one likes us
We don’t care
[BLG Note: How could Ben forget this one?]