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Philadelphia Eagles v. Houston Texans: 55 winners, losers, and I dunnos

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I may have gone overboard

NFL: Houston Texans at Philadelphia Eagles James Lang-USA TODAY Sports

Winners

Josh Adams

Fumble was just to set up the epic finish. Have to respect the team player.

Nelson Agholor

Was I the only one screaming for him to get into the end zone? Flashes of DeSean.

D.J. Alexander

I think he plays special teams sometimes

De’Vante Bausby

He died so that Avonte Maddox the outside CB could live

B.J. Bello

Yeah okay

Michael Bennett

The best pass rusher on this team not named Cox

Nigel Bradham

Great tackle on that first possession.

Brandon Brooks

THAT’S PRO BOWLER BRANDON BROOKS TO YOU SIR

Fletcher Cox

Many lamented the lack of the pass-rush in the first half of the game. Wrongfully so, in my opinion: the threat of the pass rush alone forced the Texans and Deshaun Watson into a “first-read-to-scramble” offense. When Watson spent more than 2 seconds in the pocket, he was under duress for four quarters.

It’s easy to remember the scrambles that Watson won on; and those hurt. But Philadelphia was frequently dropping 7 defenders against 4 routes — sometimes even 3 — and those numbers advantages greatly reduced the explosive passing plays that have plagued the Philadelphia defense.

And then, when the Eagles were able to take a first read away, they often got an incompletion or forced Watson to escape. When those plays started turning into sacks, the Eagles got ahead of the sticks and generated a huge, timely turnover.

Cox had the strongest day of all the Eagles pass rushers, in my opinion — drew double-teams on seemingly every snap and still created interior push. Love to see the big man eat.

Rasul Douglas

The best tackling corner Philadelphia has ever seen literally ever

Jake Elliott

Shame! Shame, I said, shame! — on everyone who doubted Jake Elliott. I for one — proud owner of a Jake Elliott jersey — did not. And if you don’t believe, you can look back at the W/L/IDK column, which has seen Elliott in the winners column a grand total of 5 times, and never once in the losers column.

Elliott missed an extra point, which ended up being a big freakin’ deal — but so did the other kicker, and so have over 75% of the kickers in the league this season. If you’re looking for a kicker who never misses an extra point, you’ve got only 7 options from this year’s kickers — 6 of whom have attempted less XPs as compared to Elliott.

I will trade that relative XP ability for his leg strength and success as a clutch kicker — he’s never missed a go-ahead, game-tying, or game-winning field goal. Elliott will always be my hero.

Zach Ertz

Setting a single-season record in a must-win game — I mean, c’mon.

Linebackers and safeties just can’t cover him unless they’re absolutely elite players. I fully believed Tyrann Mathieu was going to be a problem; he wasn’t. Foles fed Ertz as a short-yardage, high percentage target to replicate the running game; Ertz broke a tackle on a touchdown run, for goodness’ sake!

Truly, Zach Ertz is a player for whom we are running out of superlatives. MVP on the team in 2018.

Nick Foles

Nick Foles has set the record for most single-game passing yards in Eagles history,. He has the most 400+ yard passing games in Eagles history. He is not the franchise quarterback and will not be the starter next year.

This has to be one of the most interesting players of my lifetime.

Foles didn’t do nearly as good of a job as he did against the Rams, avoiding turnovers and keeping the ball out of harm’s way — his interception was awful and he regularly missed throws to the short and intermediate levels of the field. Foles made far more high-impact throws than he did against the Rams, including the 3rd down conversion to Alshon on the penultimate drive; the deep touchdown to Agholor; the 3rd down throw at the goal line to Zach Ertz that set up 4th and goal.

I don’t know what else is left to say about Nick Foles: what an extraordinary player in the face of unbelievable odds. Nobody rises to an occasion like St. Nick.

Nathan Gerry

Sorry Nate, I don’t really have anything for you here.

Shelton Gibson

Or you.

Dallas Goedert

Lol Dallas got so excited about that touchdown opportunity. Poor rookie.

Brandon Graham

Graham won’t get the stat for the strip-sack of Chris Long, but his initial pressure created it, as it so often does. In what was likely his last home game as an Eagle, he showed out.

Corey Graham

Can’t even be mad at Corey Graham on a day like today. (Yes I can.)

Kamu Grugier-Hill

I yelled “Clear recovery!” on the Fletcher Cox fumble recovery. We’ll always owe that to Kamu.

Daeshon Hall

Had a sack!

Deiondre’ Hall

Had the dumbest play I’ve ever seen!

Bruce Hector

Didn’t play!

Treyvon Hester

Had a sack!

Jordan Hicks

Thank goodness for having Jordan HIcks back. Had a high-impact play against the pass with a tipped ball, and keyed the center of a defense that allowed 13 yards on 11 carries to running backs. Wheew.

Alshon Jeffery

I’ve always wished Alshon could be an elite WR. Shame that he isn’t.

Malcolm Jenkins

Defensive MVP and studly human. My actual dad.

Tim Jernigan

Had a TFL!

Lane Johnson

Remember J.J. Watt’s sack today? Me neither.

Cameron Johnston

is gonna murder Deiondre’ Hall.

Sidney Jones

is gonna start at nickel when he comes back? Or are you moving Maddox?

Jason Kelce

IT’S THE WHOLE TEAM

Cre’Von LeBlanc

I still don’t see what everyone else sees about him having quality plays.

Chris Long

Chris Long is absolutely retiring after this season, but man if he could be convinced otherwise.

Rick Lovato

You know what Rick? Great season so far buddy. You’ve been killing it.

Avonte Maddox

9 reception, 104 yards, and 0 touchdowns against DeAndre Hopkins? Honestly, that’s a good day in the office.

Jordan Matthews

When he got that WR screen target I was so mad.

Haloti Ngata

Key veteran addition for a playoff team, imo.

Jason Peters

Did you see that beard on the sideline? Sheesh!

Matt Pryor

The Feeley.

LaRoy Reynolds

He had a special-teams tackle! Also I liked interviewing him at camp.

Richard Rodgers

When he got that TE screen target I was so mad.

Boston Scott

The good: that really long return.

The bad: that really short return.

The really bad: the jersey number.

Isaac Seumalo

DID SEUMALO BECOME GOOD THIS YEAR? THAT FEELS VERY SIGNIFICANT. HE DID GREAT TODAY. SO PROUD.

Wendell Smallwood

I’m going to be a happy man when Wendell Smallwood is cut. I’m sorry to say that — it’s unkind — but I will be.

Darren Sproles

I can’t remember watching a game this season in which Philadelphia got good running back play — it’s been an arduous season. Thank goodness, then — oh, thank the heavens — that Darren Sproles is back and as spry as ever.

Sproles’ success on draw plays, his quick vertical attack on zone flow, and his ability as a receiver make offense so much easier on both the play caller and the quarterback. 12 touches, 108 yards (37 long), and a touchdown on the day — all at 35 and battling with a couple years of injuries.

Darren called this his last season — like Long, let’s hope he’s second-guessing his conclusion with the team.

Nate Sudfeld

The greatest celebrity cameo of 2018. What a Studfeld.

Chandon Sullivan

Did his best work of the season this week, imo.

Tre Sullivan

See: Wendell Smallwood

Golden Tate

Lol thanks for swinging by my guy, hope you enjoyed your stay.

Halapoulivaati Vaitai

Vaitai was bad, which is bad — but it’s also good because maybe the Eagles will draft a tackle high now. Let’s hope Peters is healthy for the playoffs.

Chance Warmack

If you’re reading this, trigger BLG by @ing him on Twitter about Warmack.

Carson Wentz

Will we end up looking back on Carson Wentz’s career and wondering what would have happened if his mojo had never been shot to pieces by the ever-present Nick Foles comparisons? I sure hope not.

Stefen Wisniewski

I always liked Wiz. Seems like a good dude.

Losers

THE HOUSTON TEXANS

Though man that Deshaun Watson can really play, can’t he? Cowardly play-calling/risk management will always leave you in trouble, though.

I dunnos

I dunno if the Eagles will make the playoffs — I think they will — but man it’s been a fun season regardless. Wowza.