You might be some chump who thinks the problem with the 2018 Philadelphia Eagles is that they’re not doing a good job in the big play department.
But you’re wrong.
Thanks to former Eagles linebacker Garry Cobb, we have now identified the REAL problem with this year’s team:
GARRY COBB: I think I would go to drastic measures. I think they need to go on a fast.
MIKE JERRICK: Well, what kind of fast?
ALEX HOLLEY: Yeah?
COBB: Not food fast.
ALEX HOLLEY: What?
COBB: Your boys need to be cut off.
HOLLEY: From what?
JERRICK: From sex?
COBB: From the goodies.
HOLLEY: [laughing] The women?!
JERRICK: No more sex?
HOLLEY: You think that would make a difference? You think that’s the answer? You think they’re getting too much
COBB: They just seem to be — well, that’s what — ay — it fogs up your mind!
HOLLEY: Isn’t that already a rule, like you’re not supposed to do it before a game or something? COBB: Ay.
JERRICK: Hold on, 1955 called, they want this segment back.
KRISTEN RODGERS: Oh my goodness.
HOLLEY: What just happened?
I mean, it’s hard to disagree.
And who could forget “You gotta love Long Cox, right?”
Do you think it’s a mere coincidence that Lane JOHNSON has been struggling lately? Or that Wendell SMALLWOOD dropped a key third down pass against the Vikings?
What about that time when Doug Pederson cracked up when being asked about “premature explosions”?
The Eagles clearly have way too much sex on the brain. And the season is in jeopardy until they find a way to fix it.