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If the NFC East was Star Wars ...

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NFL: Philadelphia Eagles at Los Angeles Rams Robert Hanashiro-USA TODAY Sports

I was up until 2 AM last night watching Star Wars: The Last Jedi on its opening night and I strongly recommend going to see it yourself. While it is not the best of the new Star Wars renditions, it is highly entertaining with some truly awesome moments. Of course, as with anything, I was thinking about how the new Star Wars universe relates to the Eagles and the NFC East.

WARNING: SOME POTENTIAL SPOILERS

  • Rey: It is pretty obvious that Rey is Carson Wentz. Both came from isolated planets no one goes to (Jakku/North Dakota) and have ascended their humble beginnings to become the face of a new beginning. Like Rey, Wentz has fought through developmental struggles to realize his true power and while adversity continues to bear down on our heroes, their role in greatness is undeniable.
  • Finn: Despite coming to the Resistance from the First Order, Finn has been valuable to fighting tyranny in the galaxy. Not unlike Jay Ajayi’s late arrival to the Eagles, where he has played a huge part in the offensive success. While the Dolphins are definitely a worse organization than the First Order, considering they willingly gave up Ajayi while Finn escaped to the Resistance, the impact of these turncoat talent has been integral.
  • Po Dameron: The things that stand out about Po Dameron is that the Resistance needs him and that he is incredibly handsome. So, yeah, he’s Zach Ertz.
  • Leia Organa: As a fearless leader who is willing to sacrifice anything to win, Doug Peterson comes to mind. Pederson has a tendency to get players to rally around him no matter what, even in the wake of Carson Wentz’ injury. From now on, the Eagles will go as Doug Pederson goes and his risk taking will be the reason they’ll be able to get anything done.
  • Chewbacca: Like Chewbacca, Brent Celek has been around for a long time but will still kick someone’s ass.
  • Rose Tico: No one expected Rose Tico to be a game changer as a rebel fighter, much like no one expected Nelson Agholor to be a weapon on the Eagles offense this year. Now, both are invaluable.
  • The Millennium Falcon: Old, clunky, yet still dangerous with the ability to wreck enemy fighters and hit light speed; LeGarrette Blount is the Millennium Falcon of the Eagles.
  • C-3PO: C-3PO has always been with the Star Wars franchise and through many directors. C-3PO is somewhat of a prude and never really does much outside of the occasional great moments, but yet he feels important to the franchise. Enter Nick Foles, who is doesn’t really have the fiery spirit of the average football player, but he has been with the Eagles since the beginning of time (or it feels like it) and he is constantly depended on to deliver something to the team despite not really being capable of it.
  • BB-8: Small, agile, versatile and dangerous; it only makes sense that Darren Sproles is BB-8.
  • BB-9E: Like Darren Sproles, but actually bad? Donnel Pumphrey!
  • General Hux: Talentless, useless, goofy, incapable of getting anything done on his own, and ginger; General Hux is clearly the Jason Garrett of Star Wars.
  • Snoke: An ugly, old bag who is the incarnation of Evil makes him and Jerry Jones separated at birth.
  • Kylo Ren: This is a tough comparison, but I eventually realized Kylo is an easy comparison to Eli Manning. Like Manning, Kylo was destined for greatness based off his bloodlines. Despite stretches of time where that greatness was evident, Kylo and Eli have spent much of their career letting people around them down without shouldering any of the blame. Similarly, they're both entitled cry babies who will only really wreak havoc when their superiors want to hold them accountable for how bad they are.