Regression is mean to NFC East

The Giants are done, the Redskins are maybe good, the Eagles are in first and the Cowboys are slowly realizing that last year was a fluke. Just like we all expected!

Philadelphia Eagles (3-1)

Last Week: Actually ran the ball and beat the Chargers in San Diego Philadelphia Los Angeles 26-24

This Week: Host the Traveling Bruce Arians Diaper Filling Show

After two weeks of a running attack that resembled QWOP, the Eagles have found new life on the ground after remembering that they employ running backs. Sure, they beat a winless team by two points after beating a winless team by three points, but holy crap have you seen the time of possession? They’re averaging a Christopher Nolan movie a game, with the plot twist being the defense giving up in the end of games. Good thing they only see the field in the fourth quarter for about four minutes a game.

Dallas Cowboys (2-2)

Last Week: Jared Goff and the Rams scored on five straight possessions as they beat the Cowboys 35-30

This Week: Aaron Rodgers

Dez Bryant, IDP MVP

Cowboys fans are now excited when Dez doesn’t catch the ball.

Almost nothing is going right for the Cowboys. Dak Prescott looks like a 4th round pick, Dez Bryant is living off name value, the offensive line misses Doug Free, Sean Lee is once again hurt, and the defense is still 8 players away from being decent. At least DeMarcus Lawrence is having a career year in a contract year for a team that refuses to understand the basics of the salary cap.

Washington Redskins (2-2)

Last Week: Lost to the Chiefs 29-20 to fall to 0-5 on Monday Night Football with Kirk Cousins.

This Week: Bye week

Are we sure this team is good? Their best receiver is Terrelle Pryor, their leading pass catcher is a running back. Their starting running back doesn’t lead the team in rushing. Their defense had one great game, in the other three they were average at best. Kirk Cousins is having another Kurt Coupons season of putting up good numbers while his team is mediocre. It’s going to be a few weeks before we find out if the Redskins are for real, as they have a bye before Cousins faces his next team, the hapless 49ers.

New York Giants (0-4)

Last Week: Extended their streak of not scoring 28+ points to 13 games and lost 25-23 to the Bucs.

This Week: Host the Chargers, so somebody is coming away with a win. Probably the Chargers, who have racked up plenty of experience on the road this year and don’t hate their best player.

Imagine disciplining your best player for scoring touchdowns.

Now let’s take a look at Steve Spagnuolo’s career as a playcaller without Michael Strahan and Justin Tuck and play a fun game called Spot The Outlier.

That was easy.

The Giants went 8-3 in one score games in 2016. Even a marginal regression by the defense would put a strain on the Giants below average offense. The regression has been severe, and now the Giants are the worst team in both real and pretend New York. Just End Their Season.

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