Dak Prescott is worse than a third string QB

Week 1 of the NFC East is in the books and it’s not a very good book but that won’t stop it from being optioned into a movie.

Philadelphia Eagles (1-0)

Last week: Defeated the Cleveland Browns 29-10.

This week: Visit the Bears on Monday Night Football.

America’s Got Talent star and Eagles long snapper Jon Dorenbos pulled off his most amazing magic trick to date on Sunday. As he’s done on AGT, it was a multilayered trick that kept blowing people’s minds.

For the pledge, he made Doug Pederson, who everyone expected to call five time outs in the first quarter and run out of the I formation when down 14, be more aggressive in one game than Chip Kelly has been in his entire NFL career.

For the turn, he made Nelson Agholor look like an actual NFL wide receiver.

And for the prestige, he made people think the Browns, who are three steps away from being an Arena League team and are run by a failed MLB GM and the team’s legal counsel, are a worthy opponent that made Carson Wentz’s performance against them actually good.

Move over David Blaine.

New York Giants (1-0)

Last week: Defeated the Dallas Cowboys 20-19.

This week: Host the Saints, maybe Eli can throw seven touchdowns and actually win this time.

For the first time since 2010 the Giants started the season with a win. *golf clap*

It was against the Cowboys, who didn’t have Tony Romo or any kind of pass rush. So it was kind of like an extra preseason game. They could use the practice. Eli Manning threw one of his patented awful interceptions, the pass rush didn’t sack rookie Dak Prescott, Victor Cruz caught 4 passes for 34 yards which is a good stat line for a 2nd string tight end, and Ben McAdoo punted from the Cowboys 37 yard line on 4th and 1, which gained just 17 yards of field position.

It was just the kind of win the Giants needed for the rest of the teams they face to feel really good about playing the Giants.

This team can’t even get it’s Color Rush jerseys right.

WASTEAM (0-1)

Last week: Lost to the Steelers 38-16.

This week: Host the Cowboys.

The Redskins are back baby! Overpriced medicority once again reigns supreme for Dan Snyder. Kurt Cousins, who is being paid $20 million this year, played worse than Jimmy Garappolo, who is making $736,718. Cousins threw no touchdowns, leads the league in interceptions after his 11th career multi-interception game in 31 games (which is a worse ratio than turnover machine Eli Manning), and has yet to defeat a team with a winning record in his entire career.

It wasn’t all his fault. This offseason the Redskins made Josh Norman the highest paid corner back in the NFL and then decided to keep him only on their left side of the field the entire game, which meant the Steelers could put Antonio Brown on the other side, where he faced Baushad Breeland all game. What an investment. Brown had 8 catches for 126 yards and 2 TD as Norman never had a chance to cover him. It was a quiet night on the field for Norman, but on the sideline he got into an argument with safety David Bruton Jr., who also did not get to defend Antonio Brown.

It’s just like the old days in DC.

Dallas Cowboys (0-1)

Last week: Lost to the Giants 20-19.

This week: Visit the Redskins, who won’t have Josh Norman cover Dez Bryant.

We have told you before that if you want to find a quality QB you have to go to the top of the draft, like the Eagles did with Wentz. Drafting one in the 4th round is a waste of time, and the Cowboys found that out the hard way. Dak Prescott, who started in relief of Tony Romo, had lit it up in the preseason against guys who wound up cut and veterans who weren’t risking injury, but when the real games began, he absolutely stunk. He played about as bad as a third string QB signed off the street:

Average 3rd string QB: 56.5 comp%, 6.2 Y/A, 66.4 rating

Dak Prescott: 55.6 comp%, 5.0 Y/A, 69.4 rating

WELP

And keep in mind this was against the Giants, who had one of the worst pass defenses in the history of the NFL last year and despite spending the equivalent of the GDP of an eastern European nation in the offseason, haven’t really improved their roster.

It’s okay though because Ezekiel Elliot had a great game and the Cowboys looked right to take him 4th overall.

Oh no wait, he had 51 yards on 20 carries, which is 2.6 yards per carry. That means he fell down 20 times with the ball in his hands. Against a defensive line that is missing a hand. It only gets tougher from here.

Maybe the Cowboys could have won if people actually listened to Dez Bryant.

New year same crap in the NFC East.