Paxton Lynch, QB, Memphis
To whom it may concern,
Following the passing of the deadline of NowWhat?'s pick analysis for the BGN 2016 Mock Draft, a courtesy checkup was sent to his last known location: The L.A. Rams headquarters. Upon arrival, authorities found a scene far too disturbing to describe in great detail here. Amidst the debris and gore, a single digital camera was found. Upon review, it was found that this camera held the record of the last few minutes before the event causing the carnage happened. A transcript of the tape follows:
SETTING: L.A. RAMS WAR ROOM
(The tape starts abruptly, being picked up as the recording begins. The light in the room is dim, but as the camera spins around we can make out four other people in the room, besides the camera operator. The camera stops on the panicked face of a man since identified as NOWWHAT? (NW?). In the shot to his right, camera left, is JEFF FISHER.)
BACKGROUND CHANTING: We wan' Lynch! We wan' Lynch!
(The chanting continues through the remaining transcript)
FISHER: I'd be lying if I said I've never heard that chant before...
NW?: C'mon, Tennessee couldn't have been that bad, right?
VOICE (Offscreen): He wasn't talking about Nashville...
(Camera pans to the left, revealing STAN KROENKE)
KROENKE: He made the mistake of driving through Ferguson one night.
ANOTHER VOICE: Are you kidding me?! Talking about this when we have a mob trying to break down our door?
(The camera quickly spins around, revealing NICK FOLES and LES SNEAD sitting against a door, holding it closed. Snead's suit is in tatters, and Foles is for some reason wearing an old WWII Army helmet.)
FOLES: They're crazy, man! They want this Memphis punk to take my starting QB job!
(The camera pans to everyone's face. Most expressions are blank, with a little bemusement.)
SNEAD: Nick, Keenum kinda beat you to that punch. Also, what's HE doing here?
Pan to NW?: (Irritated) I'm here to help you guys make the right choice in the first round. God knows you guys need all the help you can.
KROENKE: Aren't you that guy who goes around craving mediocrity?
NW?: You can say I'm... fascinated by it.
SNEAD: And let's face it, the Rams are kinda the face of mediocrity right now.
Pan to FISHER: Mediocre?! We're a damned shit show right now? We have no offense, this buffoon (points at Kroenke) is enraging fanbases on TWO separate continents, and we have added pressure with this first pick back in a high profile city that's apparently ached for pro football ever since we uprooted years ago.
KROENKE: Hey! (Pan to Kroenke) The lack of offense is YOUR fault, and I've made it clear from the start that I'm in the sports ownership business for the money, not the championships.
SNEAD: Yeah, how do the fans of a good team like Arsenal feel about that?
Pan to NW?: Now's not the time for this! Jeff's right, this is a big pick for a team moving back into the second biggest market in the country, one that hasn't had their own team for twenty years...
FOLES: *snort* They probably had to show Chargers games...
NW?: But the position this team is in isn't that far from what the Eagles are going through now. No identity on offense. A defense that's stout but missing key position players. Coming off a trade for a hopeful franchise quarterback that seems to have backfired drastically.
KROENKE: And now the question is (Pan to Kroenke): What do we need the most, and who is the best talent to take at 15?
Pan to SNEAD: There are three spots that need the most work...
Pan to FISHER: The Secondary.
Pan to KROENKE: Wide Receiver.
Pan to NW?: And Quarterback.
FOLES: I can be a franchise quarterback!
NW?: And the best player at each position is pretty clear at this point. Mack Alexander at corner, Laquon Treadwell at WR, and Paxton Lynch at quarterback.
FISHER: Our front line of defenders are great, but our secondary got absolutely decimated in free agency.
Pan to SNEAD: True. We lost both Janoris Jenkins AND Rodney McLeod, and we didn't really do anything to replace them. Trumaine can't do it all on his own out there.
KROENKE: But Alexander's too much of a question mark. (Pan to Kroenke) Teams didn't want to throw to him in college, but what happens when they start to challenge him in the pros? He'd need to be as good as advertised from day one, or else Wilson and Palmer will feast on him.
NW?: And you're pushing for Treadwell?
KROENKE: Yes I am. Have you seen our receivers? Tavon Austin is great, but he's a small dude. For big guys, we have to trot out Brian Quick and the corpse of Kenny Britt. Todd Gurley is going to hold down our running game, so now we need weapons to give Case an air threat as well.
SNEAD: He's got a point.
FOLES: I CAN THROW TO HIM TOO!!!
NW?: You're serious about Case Keenum?
Pan to NW?: You're SERIOUS about Case Keenum?!
(Camera pans around room)
KROENKE: I... um...
FOLES: WHAT. ABOUT. ME?
Camera stops on NW?: Listen, you all made great points. Alexander could be phenomenal for your secondary. Treadwell could become a top receiver in the game. But what good does he do with Case Fucking Keenum throwing to him? I've seen firsthand with the Eagles what happens to a defense when an offense can't drive down the field. Nothing about this team will mean jack shit until they have a real quarterback leading the offense.
FISHER: You wan' Lynch.
NW?: Your "fans" are smart, listen once in a while. Yes, Paxton Lynch has flaws to his game. Every prospect is going to. But you have time to work those kinks out. Maybe he doesn't start this year... but give him time to develop, and you'll have a QB that can actually contribute sooner than either of his counterparts in this draft. Lynch might be the most physically ready QB prospect for the NFL in this class, and he can hold his own if the situation arises even this year.
(The room is silent. Cries of "We wan' Lynch" can still be heard outside, growing louder.)
NW?: Unless you really buy HIM being the guy you're putting your money behind. (Gestures to FOLES, who has been sulking against the door since his last outburst)
FOLES: I can do it, coach.
(Pan to FOLES)
FOLES: I can do it. I can be your franchise quarterback. I tried SO hard in Philly to be that guy, and things just fell apart around me. The offensive line got hurt, I got hurt, Chip lost his mind. Next thing I know, my chance is gone before I can make the most of it.
(FOLES is visibly shaken, tearing up slightly at the thoughts of 27 and 2).
FOLES: Les, you saw something in me there. You took a risk on me, giving up your #1 overall darling, weak knees and all, knowing in all honesty you should have been giving up a pick rather than getting one back. I know I failed you last year. Getting acclimated to a new system is tough, even Sam proved that in Philly. Add the pressure of that big contract I got, and I guess it just all got to me... I know last year was rough, but I promise I can be your guy! (Turns to KROENKE). Stan, you've got my back, right? I can be your Hollywood leading man. I can be that guy!
(FOLES finishes up, his eyes pleading to his GM, his team's owner, his coach. Also some random Eagles fan. The chanting outside is at a roar.)
Pan to SNEAD: Well coach? Take a look. Does Nick Foles look like a guy who can be your franchise quarterback?
(Pan over FISHER's shoulder to FOLES. FISHER is in deep thought, looking in the direction of FOLES. There are several seconds of dead silence from the room's occupants)
FISHER: (Quitely) No... (FOLES's face drops like FISHER just kicked his dog.) And Case isn't the answer either... (The camera pans away from FOLES to FISHER's face) I'm so sorry Nick, but Paxton's the pick. Les, make the call
(Pan to SNEAD, who calls in the pick. More silence. None of the room's occupants are looking at each other.)
Pan to NW?: (Looking up) Hey, we drafted Lynch. Why aren't these guys outside backing off?
ANGRY MOB: WE WAN' LYNCH! WE WAN' LYNCH!
Pan to KROENKE: (With a sudden sense of dread) They're not chanting for us to draft Paxton...
(All heads suddenly snap up. All eyes are fixed on KROENKE)
Pan to SNEAD: They're not L.A. Rams fans...
NW?: They're ST. LOUIS RAMS fans!
FOLES: They really want to lynch Stan!
FISHER: I knew I shouldn't have driven through Fergâ
(There is a loud bang as the door flies open, and a mob of St. Louis Rams fans charges in towards KROENKE. The camera bounces out of NOWWHAT?'s grip, being batted around so no action can be made out on screen. Loud screams of terror can be heard from all parties from the room. Bodies are dragged out of the door kicking, while others are trampled among the mob.
The last of the crowd leaves the room. The camera is on its side, still recording. A single bloodied hand, not yet identified by authorities lies in the shot, not moving. The sound of the mob moves down the hallway away from the camera.
The room is silent, and the scene remains still until the camera battery runs out, and the screen goes black.)
2016 BGN Mock Draft Order
1) Titans (ablesser88) - Laremy Tunsil, OT, Ole Miss - [Explanation]
2) Browns (EaglesGenius) - Carson Wentz, QB, North Dakota State - [Explanation]
3) Chargers (StoneColeKiller58) - Jared Goff, QB, Cal - [Explanation]
4) Cowboys (kamjam) - Ezekiel Elliott, RB, Ohio State - [Explanation]
5) Jaguars (drc242) - Jalen Ramsey, DB, Florida State - [Explanation]
6) Ravens (rohan915) - DeForest Buckner, DE, Oregon - [Explanation]
7) 49ers (LAOJoe) - Myles Jack, LB, UCLA - [Explanation]
8) Eagles (slickpablovick) - Ronnie Stanley, OT, Notre Dame - [Explanation]
9) Buccaneers (OneBucFan47) - Noah Spence, DE, Eastern Kentucky - [Explanation]
10) Giants (Paulie97) - Vernon Hargreaves, CB, Florida - [Explanation]
11) Bears (Kiko's Delivery Service) - Joey Bosa, DE, Ohio State - [Explanation]
12) Saints (kylebruneault) - Shaq Lawson, DE, Clemson - [Explanation]
13) Dolphins (wildcatlh) - Eli Apple, CB, Ohio State - [Explanation]
14) Raiders (Luxury_Used_Vehicles_By_Braman) - Jack Conklin, OT, Michigan State - [Explanation]
15) Rams (NowWhat?) - Paxton Lynch, QB, Memphis - [Explanation]
16) Lions (bri g) -
17) Falcons (thealien2696) -
18) Colts (ei78) -
19) Bills (naderg43) -
20) Jets (Quacking_Eagle) -
21) Washington (TheCoxishere) -
22) Texans (jeppsforst) -
23) Vikings (WScott151) -
24) Bengals (burkhart_b) -
25) Steelers (theaction) -
26) Seahawks (tfrank9811) -
27) Packers (3Trace) -
28) Chiefs (jawmo) -
N/A) Patriots - Cheaters
29) Cardinals (big DUB) -
30) Panthers (zatch2k) -
31) Broncos (JALupowitz) -