Except for a handful of teams it’s hard to tell who is good and who is bad anymore. But I can arbitrarily rank them and be snide about it!
1 Minnesota Vikings (last week: 1)
Bye weeks are great for power rankings when you’re undefeated.
2 Seattle Seahawks (last week: 3)
Want to feel old? People were thinking the Seahawks weren’t good as far back as a few weeks ago.
3 New England Patriots (last week: 6)
Speaking of bad takes earlier in the season, there were people putting forth the idea that if Jimmy Garoppolo was playing well in Tom Brady’s absence he should keep his starting job. Whoops.
4 Atlanta Falcons (last week: 2)
The Falcons got hosed on a bad non-call, but a team has only itself to blame for being in a position to be impacted by bad officiating.
5 Dallas Cowboys (last week: 10)
Ezekiel Elliot is the real deal. Dak Prescott looks like he is too. The check is coming for the defense though, who are living off of turnovers and nothing else.
6 Kansas City Chiefs (last week: 11)
The Andy Reid bye week magic never runs out. Oakland never had a chance.
7 Buffalo Bills (last week: 13)
Way too premature Rex Ryan contract extension is probably right around the corner.
8 Washington Redskins (last week: 14)
What does it say when you dominate a team offensively and defensively and only win by 7? Not much.
9 Pittsburgh Steelers (last week: 5)
Yeah they lost to the Dolphins and Ben Roethlisberger is going to miss the next game but it’s okay they can rebound they play.... oh jeez they play the Patriots that’s going to be a bloodbath.
10 Denver Broncos (last week: 7)
Gary Kubiak looked like he was just riding John Fox’s coattails but then he missed Thursday’s game with migraines and they lost to the Chargers, so maybe he’s actually good? Or maybe it’s just that Trevor Siemian isn’t. Probably that.
11 Arizona Cardinals (last week: 12)
A MNF pasting of an awful Jets team is just the thing to get everyone’s hopes up too far before playing the Seahawks.
12 Oakland Raiders (last week: 8)
Jack Del Rio’s defense is terrible and the offense is almost entirely Derek Carr, but barring a collapse someone is going to pitch him as a Coach of the Year Candidate.
13 Houston Texans (last week: 15)
Brock Osweiler is bad, but he’s consistent: he’s thrown at least one interception in every game this year. That’s a streak to keep an eye on.
14 Philadelphia Eagles (last week: 9)
You have to respect the Eagles commitment to making Kirk Cousins look good in the hopes that the Redskins sign him to a huge long term deal.
15 Green Bay Packers (last week: 4)
What’s wrong with Aaron Rodgers? It’s Mike McCarthy.
16 Detroit Lions (last week: 18)
The good news: The Lions had a nice fourth quarter comeback on Sunday. The bad news: they were trailing the Rams in the fourth quarter on Sunday.
17 New Orleans Saints (last week: 21)
The Saints are like when I play Madden: every game is a shootout and when it’s over I wonder why did I just spent time doing that.
18 New York Giants (last week: 23)
The Giants snapped a three game losing streak and all anyone can talk about is how everyone on the team hates their best player. Sad!
19 Cincinnati Bengals (last week: 16)
This team seems done, but they get the Browns this week so they’ll falsely rebound.
20 Baltimore Ravens (last week: 17)
So who is getting fired after this week’s loss?
21 Indianapolis Colts (last week: 19)
Pacers open the season next Wednesday.
22 San Diego Chargers (last week: 28)
The Chargers TNF win over the Broncos was a well deserved one, but hopefully they enjoyed it during the extra time off. The their next two games are at the Falcons and Broncos.
23 Jacksonville Jaguars (last week: 24)
A one point win over the Bears. Things are turning around for Gus Bradley.
24 Miami Dolphins (last week: 30)
The Dolphins defeated the Steelers when Pittsburgh had to use it’s backup QB and because the Dolphins backup RB had 252 yards and 2 TDs. Totally repeatable performance.
25 Tennessee Titans (last week: 26)
Hey they beat the Browns. Good for them.
26 Los Angeles Rams (last week: 22)
Jeff Fisher’s team is 3-3 and that just feels right.
27 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (last week: 25)
When you’re 27th in scoring offense and scoring defense, a bye week is welcomed, and ranking 27th here is fitting.
28 Carolina Panthers (last week: 20)
Great decision to cut Josh Norman. And trade for a punter. Really working out well.
29 New York Jets (last week: 27)
Just. End. The. Season.
30 Chicago Bears (last week: 29)
They lost to the Jaguars. That’s a reason to fire someone.
31 San Francisco 49ers
The 28-0 season opening win over the Rams seems like a lifetime ago. They have nearly the same point differential as the Browns.
32 Cleveland Browns
There is a realistic chance this team goes 0-16.