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Football is back and every team in the NFC East stinks

"It stinks" - Jay Sherman.

Elsa/Getty Images

Week one has come and mercilessly gone. Nobody in the NFC East looked good.

Dallas Cowboys (1-0)

Last week: Needed an Eli Manning brain fart to beat the Giants 27-26. The Cowboys vaunted running back by committee behind the greatest offensive line to ever walk the Earth managed just 80 yards on 23 carries, a 3.5 yards per carry average. Dez Bryant broke a bone in his foot, the Cowboys estimate he will be back in 4-6 weeks despite that injury taking 8-12 weeks to heal. First round draft pick La'el Collins was inactive, and first round draft pick Randy Gregory suffered a high ankle sprain and is out for 4 weeks. The "deepest defensive line in the league" managed just one sack against a bad Giants offensive line. Showing their strong commitment to the run game despite no longer having DeMarco Murray, Tony Romo attempted 45 passes, more than he ever did last year. This is your first place team in the NFC East.

This week: At the Eagles. Need I say more.

Tweet of the Week:

Tweet of the Week, throwback edition:

Philadelphia Eagles (0-1)

Last week: Lost to the Falcons 26-24. Here is a list of people who played well:

Darren Sproles

That's it. Sam Bradford looked lost in the first half, don't say you weren't warned. After Chip Kelly spent the off-season changing his roster over so that he wouldn't have to call 60 pass plays like in the Arizona debacle last year, the Eagles ran just 16 times and Sam Bradford attempted 52 passes. Byron Maxwell fulfilled his promise of replacing Bradley Fletcher by playing like Bradley Fletcher.

This week: Host the Cowboys in a must-win game. It's only Week 2. Please leave hard liquor recommendations in the comments.

Tweet of the Week:

New York Giants (0-1)

Last week: Gave away a game to Cowboys when Eli Manning suddenly remember how to play football. Had he remembered to do literally anything other than throw the ball away the Giants win despite having no pass rush, no running game, and no receiving threat besides Odell Beckham Jr.,  who looks like a mop.

Perhaps if the Giants could get into the red zone more than three times (one of which was via a turnover at the 1 yard line) they'd be in first place. The NFC East is garbage.

This week: Host the Falcons, who they'll probably beat by 17 because of course they will.

Tweet of the Week:

Washington Redskins (0-1)

Last week: Took a 10 point lead midway through the 2nd quarter against the Dolphins then failed to score for the rest of the game, losing 17-10. DeSean Jackson pulled a hamstring (which might cause him to miss the Eagles game) when Kirk Cousins overthrew him. The Dolphins took the lead on a nice Jarvis Landry 69 yard punt return for a score.

Ah, Redskins culture. Don't worry, everything is okay now, the Redskins cut kicker Kai Forbath after he missed a 46 yard field goal. To replace him, they are auditioning fans.

Only 15 more games to go.

This week: Play the Rams, perhaps Jeff Fisher--Jeff Fisher--will again troll the team by making all the players acquired in the RGIII trade team captians.

Tweet of the Week:

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