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Are The Eagles Better Than Every Team In The NFL?

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Let's take a scientific look at how the Eagles stack up against the rest of the league.

Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

It is the middle of the deadest part of the offseason in the NFL, early to mid-July, when the only news on players is bad ones and the only takes on the league are hot ones. In the empty space of the dead of summer, we fill the void with optimism. It's only natural as a fan to see every scenario break your favorite team's way. If this player can put a consistent season together, if that guy can stay healthy, if this unit can gel, if that unit can be better than the one before... it's a lot more fun than worrying about everything going wrong.

There will always be worst to first teams and underdogs who triumph, and with months to go until meaningful games are played, who's to say we're wrong? One of the things we do is rationalize that the new and improved roster of our teams are newer and more improved than other teams. Which we can easily do with the Eagles. Let's review the league via draft order.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Chip Kelly didn't want to coach them.

Tennessee Titans

Their starting QB would rather play for the Eagles.

Jacksonville Jaguars

lol come on now

Oakland Raiders

Three words: Jack Del Rio. Three more: "Keep chopping wood."

Washington Redskins

New York Jets

This is an organization that hired Rich Kotite and couldn't keep Bill Belichick.

Chicago Bears

Jay Cutler, the Surgeon General thinks you're nuts and the President hates watching you play.

Atlanta Falcons

Matt Ryan grew up an Eagles fan. The only time he's beaten his favorite team was in 2011 and 2012 because he wanted the Andy Reid era to end. He'll roll over this year.

New York Giants

St. Louis Rams

They have Nick Foles. The Eagles don't.

Minnesota Vikings

Name five starters on the Vikings. You can't.

Cleveland Browns

They signed this guy to play instead of Johnny Manziel.

New Orleans Saints

The Eagles had the Body Bag Game and Bounty Bowl, everyone enjoyed it. When the Saints did it, everyone despised them. If you're going to hurt people, be colorful about it.

Miami Dolphins

No other franchise has so many celebrity owners, and so many crappy celebrity owners.

San Francisco 49ers

This guy is going to outcoach someone?

Houston Texans

The Eagles keep taking their best players, the Texans keep taking the Eagles leftovers.

San Diego Chargers

When the Browns announced they were moving to Baltimore in 1995, the team lost six straight games. Good luck this season.

Kansas City Chiefs

Andy Reid would have been a great hire 15 years ago. Eagles have been there, done that.

Buffalo Bills

The guy who threw this pass doesn't want to play for the Bills.

Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles got rid of their bad (not good) players and replaced them with good (not bad) players. Also, America.

Cincinnati Bengals

This team purposely lets Andy Dalton throw the ball over 500 times a season.

Pittsburgh Steelers

This is the only team in the league that simultaneously wanted a starter to retire and wanted to sign a retired guy to start.

Detroit Lions

Let's take a timeout here to reflect on things.

Arizona Cardinals

Carolina Panthers

Mark Sanchez led the Eagles to 45 points against the Panthers. Mark Sanchez.

Baltimore Ravens

Delete your account.

Dallas Cowboys

Last season the Eagles beat the Cowboys by 23 points on Thanksgiving. In Week 15 the Cowboys beat the Eagles by scoring five touchdowns. Two were by DeMarco Murray, who is now on the Eagles, and three were by Dez Bryant, who scored on Bradley Fletcher, who isn't on the team.

Denver Broncos

Aww the Denver Broncos.

Indianapolis Colts

Losing a legend hurts but Frank Gore just wasn't getting the job done for the Eagles anymore, the Colts are counting on him to start.

Green Bay Packers

Chip Kelly doesn't blow 20 point leads.

Seattle Seahawks

They start Cary Williams.

New England Patriots

They start Bradley Fletcher.

H/T to Blogging the Boys.