Malcom Brown, DT, Texas
As I continued my travels through the mire
Of mediocrity and unchecked boredom
I knew that I must travel from southern fire
Of Tennessee to a freezing home for some,
A town as uninteresting as dead grass
With falls to jump over when folks become glum.
There a football team, led by a man of class
Or so I'm told, unable to be awful,
Yet to the promised land they can never pass
"Wide Right," I hear whispered, as I see the full
throng of desolate people, resigned to fate.
Their lively red colors, yet blue their dead cool
"We pity your soul, for you are far too late,"
They said, eyes glazed. "Weep not for poor Buffalo,
for maybe in Twenty Sixteen we will sate
Our first round desires in this awful snow.
However, our first round of Twenty Fifteen
Has been taken down the shore to Hell below."
I looked to the southwest, and there, clearly seen
A pillar of fire rose over the cold lake
From Ohio, damn it all, and that would mean...
"O, God! Not Cleveland! O Please, for Heaven's sake!"
I shouted to no avail, and myself found
Pushed out of town, faster than my legs could take.
As I came down the shore, I could feel the ground
Boil beneath my feet, and at once I felt fear.
As I came to the gate, I looked all around.
In front of me, sticking up like a dark spear
Was the gate, with words that made my legs tremble.
Yes, "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."
A city for my God to disassemble,
I swallowed heavily and entered the gate
Not knowing what this wasteland could resemble.
Immediately, I could sense the strong hate
Emanating from the dirty fans of Brown
It hurt my soul to see them in this sad state.
Worshipping false gods, come straight in from Boozetown,
Throwing to an angel of illicit drugs
And a defense that was best described as "clown."
"We have a new savior!" Said some ugly thugs
Grabbing me and taking me towards the HQ.
I couldn't stand to look at their horrid mugs.
Coming to this town I had begun to rue,
But maybe with a pick I could escape
And so I decided to see this mess through.
"We have a new receiver!" They showed me tape.
Parker was good, perhaps these cretins had hope.
And then, Farmer strode in (with a blood red cape?).
"There's no D guys left to choose for this poor dope!"
He said with a sneer, "Shelton, Ray, and Dupree
Are all gone! He'll hang himself! Go get the rope!"
It was true, the best guys for Cleveland's bad D
Had all been taken, save for one shining soul
With which I could finally get myself free.
"I choose Malcom Brown!" I saw Farmer's eyes roll.
"Brown?! But why?! We have Phil Taylor switching back!"
I knew I had him, I had found the plan's hole.
"Taylor? Are you kidding? Give back Johnny's crack!
Sixty-nine tackles in four seasons? And just
Seven sacks! He's always hurt! You must be whack!
Brown's athletic and mature, likely no bust,
Consistent, hardworking, quick off the snap too!
Sure he needs a few moves, but nose is a must!"
Farmer's nose wrinkled, like I'd shoved it in poo.
"What about a tackle, or a pass rusher?
We could also bolster up the corners, true!"
"The draft's deep enough to draft a good rusher,
and cornerback? Are you serious?! A stud
In Haden, so is Gilbert down the flusher?
Don't you go dragging Gilbert down through the mud.
I WAS GUSHING OVER GILBERT JUST LAST YEAR!!!!
Your constant bullshitting is boiling my blood!"
Farmer sighed, shook his head, and replied "Oh dear.
You seem to have me cornered, you little shit.
But we can't draft smart, so my next step is clear."
Next thing I knew, I was in a room unlit.
Brown was there, strangely so was Ereck Flowers.
(Don't ask why) We were all in quite a big snit.
"So he had you join us in these dark towers?"
It was Brown, trying to break down a large door.
"We're all guys who can curb Farmer's dark powers."
"It couldn't be just us, there have to be more."
"Yeah, Devante and DJ were here with us
"But they got out?" "Well yeah, it's been done before...
Roddy in Atlanta, Ray made quite a fuss..."
"Tamba and Poe, too!" added Flowers, "KC
did well there; scaring off Farmer was a plus."
Then the door broke open, allowed us to flee.
We ran like hell ‘til we got to the outskirts,
I heard my name and I turned around to see...
Brown yelled "I'm staying to help all these Brownshirts!
Someone must lead them through Ray Farmer's own Hell.
Hey, I'm still your pick, even if Cleveland hurts!"
As I ran from there, I knew that he'd do well.
I heard one last cry from him, over the cars...
"Don't mess with Texas, Hook ‘Em Horns!" was his yell.
I escaped that place, with emotional scars.
Knowing Malcom Brown would be their rock on D,
And would earn his rightful place among the stars.
1) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (slickpablovick) - Jameis Winston, QB, FSU - [Explanation]
2) Tennessee Titans (mchiodo) - Leonard Williams, DE, USC - [Explanation]
3) Jacksonville Jaguars ("Snax") - Dante Fowler Jr., OLB, UF - [Explanation]
4) Oakland Raiders (kylebruneault) - Amari Cooper, WR, Alabama - [Explanation]
5) Washington Redskins (BigTimeTMZ) - Marcus Mariota, QB, Oregon - [Explanation]
6) New York Jets (4thand26) - Kevin White, WR, WVU - [Explanation]
7) Chicago Bears (rohan915) - Vic Beasley, OLB, Clemson - [Explanation]
8) Atlanta Falcons (GMinTraining) - Danny Shelton, DT, Washington - [Explanation]
9) New York Giants (Grandpapa Joe) - Landon Collins, S, Alabama - [Explanation]
10) St. Louis Rams (deg0ey) - Brandon Scherff, OL, Iowa - [Explanation]
11) Minnesota Vikings (ablesser88) - Trae Waynes, CB, MSU - [Explanation]
12) Cleveland Browns (djcunningham) - DeVante Parker, WR, Louisville - [Explanation]
13) New Orleans Saints (del.champion) - Shane Ray, DE, Mizzou - [Explanation]
14) Miami Dolphins (drc242) - Jalen Collins, CB, LSU - [Explanation]
15) San Francisco 49ers (SleepingDuck) - Randy Gregory, OLB, NU - [Explanation]
16) Houston Texans (JaviYL) - La'el Collins, OT, LSU - [Explanation]
17) San Diego Chargers (StoneColeKiller58) - Bud Dupree, OLB, UK - [Explanation]
18) Kansas City Chiefs (jimmyrustler) - Andrus Peat, OT, Standford - [Explanation]
19) Cleveland Browns (NowWhat?) - Malcom Brown, DT, Texas - [Explanation]
20) Philadelphia Eagles (sports00fan00) -
21) Cincinnati Bengals (Zach_The_Gamecock) -
22) Pittsburgh Steelers (KJ Brophy) -
23) Detroit Lions (KamiKazeJEDI) -
24) Arizona Cardinals (ItownBallers22) -
25) Carolina Panthers (AndyMcNabb) -
26) Baltimore Ravens (dceagles) -
27) Dallas Cowboys (kamjam) -
28) Denver Broncos (WubbaLubbaDubDub) -
29) Indianapolis Colts (ei78) -
30) Green Bay Packers (Nka727) -
31) New Orleans Saints (SwoopThereItIs) -
32) New England Patriots (naderg43) -