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Another merry week of ineptitude in the NFC East

Your true love should never give you this division.

Rich Schultz/Getty Images

Happy holidays. Some of the members of the NFC East have joined me to sing a Christmas carol.

On the 12th day of Christmas, the NFC East gave to me....

Tom Coughlin: Twelve wins in two years.

Jerry Jones: Eleven million dollars for Greg Hardy, and you know, we just couldn't be happier, he's been an inspirational leader and a difference maker for our football club and we--

Shut up Jerry. Everyone else carry on.

Jason Garrett: Ten losses and counting.

Kurt Cousins: Nine career wins as a starter.

Jason Pierre-Paul: Eight intact fingers.

Jay Gruden: Seven million dollars of cap space in RGIII on the bench.

Eli Manning: Six touchdowns in a loss.

Cowboys fans: FIVE SUPERBOWL RINGS FROM OVER TWENTY YEARS AGO

Stephen Jones: Four starting quarterbacks.

DeMarco Murray: Three yards per carry.

Tony Romo: Two broken collarbones.

Everyone: And a 7-9 division winner.

Have a merry Christmas.

Washington Redskins (7-7)

Last week: Huge week for Karl Cousins, who on Sunday threw for four touchdowns and rushed for another as the Redskins defeated the reeling Bills 35-25; and then on Monday his creep van somehow passed inspection. Great week for him and his brand. Get yourself that contract extension based on half a season of good games. You've earned the right to be the next great Redskins let down.

This week: Visit the Eagles on Saturday, a win clinches the division and a first round playoff loss.

Tweets of the Week:

Philadelphia Eagles (6-8)

Last week: The Eagles are finally becoming a consistent team. Once again DeMarco Murray was upset that his lack of production got him little playing time, members of the secondary kept getting injured, the defense gave up a ton of yards and points, Sam Bradford had another good half/bad half game, and Chip Kelly made some bad play calls. It only took all year but the Eagles have finally found a rhythm and with it the momentum to win the division at 7-9.

This week: Host the Redskins, a loss eliminates them from the playoffs, a win puts them on a path to get immediately eliminated in the playoffs. Depending on your schedule the next few weeks you might just want it to be over with on Saturday.

Tweets of the Week:

New York Giants (6-8)

Last week: What a week. On Thursday, Giants super fan Joe Ruback, better known as License Plate Guy, was arrested for felony grand larceny, accused of making "threats and intimidation to collect debts and charged usurious interest rates on outstanding debts." Now we know how a high school administrator could afford all those expensive tickets. Have fun making license plates instead of wearing them Joe.

Speaking of intimidation, Odell Beckham Jr. has been suspended for one game after repeatedly assaulting Panthers CB Josh Norman. Beckham's reasons for committing penalty after penalty that should have gotten him ejected was that he was scared. You see, during pre-game warmups the Panthers, as they do every week, were carrying baseball bats with them, a lame motivational tool (or considering how good the Panthers are this year, a terrific one) but one that is harmless. What was Beckham afraid of? That they would beat him with it? That Josh Norman would bring it on the field? You should be laughing at that, not getting so upset you're intentinally slamming your head into Norman's head.

Also the Giants lost again.

This week: Visit the Vikings on Monday night. After a ridiculous start to the season, the Giants run defense has given up 132.5 yards per game. Adrian Peterson leads the league in rushing.

Tweets of the Week:

Dallas Cowboys (4-10)

Last week: The inevitable elimination of the Cowboys from the playoffs happened as they fell 19-16 to the Jets. There were still many encouraging signs that the Cowboys can point to as a reason they should continue to delay their rebuild. Darren McFadden rushed for 100 yards, the Cowboys should lock him up long term. The defense actually got a turnover, and the team was really encouraged by Kellen Moore's three interceptions. Maybe they can bounce back to another 8-8 season in 2016.

This week: It's a clash of the coaching titans as Rex Ryan, who might get fired after one year, and the Bills host Jason Garrett, who doesn't even get to do anything, and the Cowboys.

Tweets of the Week: