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How to prepare for Thanksgiving as a Philadelphia Eagles fan

Six more weeks of this!

By Dave Mangels
Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

Let's look at what there is to be thankful for this season.

Sir I don't think that word means what you think it does.

New York Giants (5-5)

Last week: Were on a bye, so they literally did nothing. And they extended their lead in the division from half a game to a whole game thanks to the Redskins and Eagles losing.

The NFC East is embarrassing.

This week: Visit the Redskins. Winner will be in first place.

Tweet of the Week:

None. It's hard finding any good tweets when they play, because the fan base of this team is retirees. It's impossible to find them when they are off.

Washington Redskins (4-6)

Last week: Top notch game planner Jay Gruden and his team clawed out a 14-14 tie in the first quarter against the undefeated Panthers. Then they scored just two points in the rest of the game, and gave up 30 more and were blown out 44-16. Cam Newton threw five touchdowns to five different players, which is kind of amazing since Panthers WRs are Tedd Ginn and the guys at the local muffler shop that Ron Rivera is a spokesperson for.

But once again the Redskins couldn't just leave it all on the field and so there's another stupid off the field story about Sunday's game:

Yeah, it's not because you're a bad team that commits errors. It's because of the name. Whatever.

This week: Host the Giants for a chance to move into first at 5-6, which means Kirby Cousins will throw at least two interceptions.

Tweets of the Week:

Philadelphia Eagles (4-6)

Last week: Like the Redskins, the Eagles lost by 28 to an NFC South team, falling 45-17 to the Buccanneers. Like the Redskins, the Eagles gave up five passing touchdowns to five different receivers. Like the Redskins they squandered an opportunity to move into first place. Like the Redskins, the Eagles are a mess. Like the Redskins, they don't have a QB. Like the Redskins, the coach appears in over his head. Like the Redskins, they win the off-season. Like the Redskins.... you get the point. You don't ever want to be the Redskins.

The Eagles are closer to being the Redskins then the Patriots.

This week: Visit the Lions on Thanksgiving in the early game. Suggested methods to prepare for the game and bond with your family:

-Help your mom/grandmom/aunt out by ensuring the oven is at the proper temperature to cook a turkey by sticking your head inside it.

-Gather around the living room. Everyone stand next to someone they don't see often. Take turns punching each other in the stomach to get fired up for Calvin Johnson vs the Eagles secondary.

-Playing games with your family can be fun, play two at once by seeing who has the best Jim Caldwell face and who can do the best imitation of the Eagles play calling by staring at a wall for at least five minutes.

-Get the fireplace going with that Sam Bradford jersey you bought and the DeMarco Murray jersey your brother in law got. Use your tickets for kindling.

-Play catch with your family, everyone can role play as an Eagles. Your slightly racist uncle can be Riley Cooper, your grandmother can be Miles Austin, your cousin who can't catch can be Jordan Matthews, your 2 year old niece can stay inside and be Josh Huff, and your grandmother who has had a hip and knee replacement can be Sam Bradford.

-If there's a high schooler in your family ask them what colleges they are looking at and then warn them of the ones that Chip Kelly might coach in the near future.

-Don't eat the dark meat.

Tweets of the week:

Dallas Cowboys (3-7)

Last week: Finally won a game with Greg Hardy. The triumphant return of Tony Romo saw him throw two interceptions against a beleaguered Dolphins defense that had its best game in a month. Darren McFadden continued his soon to be cut short by injury resurgence with another high volume workload day, in his last five games he is averaging 24.4 carries per game, last year the Cowboys ran DeMarco Murray into the ground with 24.5 carries.

It was also revealed that Jedi Master Jason Garrett released Christine Michael and Corey White in part because in part because they didn't wear a suit on a road trip. If they had followed their inspirational leader Greg Hardy, they'd still be employed.

Whoops.

This week: The march to get out of the top ten in the draft looks to come to a screeching halt as the Cowboys host the Panthers in the middle game on Thanksgiving. So that's something to look forward to.

Tweet of the Week:

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