Justin Gilbert, CB, Oklahoma State
FEAR AND LOATHING IN KUTZTOWN, PA [WITTY TITLE GOES HERE]
A Narrative by NowWhat?
It was somewhere around the 9th pick, on the edge of the internet, when the insanity began to take hold. I remember saying something like, "I feel a bit nauseated. Maybe Joe_D should pick." Suddenly, there was a terrible burst of writing all over my screen, and the draft document was full of what looked like...
Ahh, f*** the Hunter S. Thompson ripoff; he's great, and I'm not! I have always had a fascination for the mediocre. Those that aren't epically terrible such as the Browns yet not a great or even solid team like the Packers or Ravens. Nooooo sir, my bread and butter are those teams you forget when you have to name all 32 of them, the Cardinals of the league, the Dolphins, you know the type.
And so here I was, officially a posting member of Music City Miracles, looking to figure out just what kind of game plan a team has when literally nothing about them is a slam dunk need, and yet nothing about them is good either. I was not disappointed on first viewing: They had only just started picking teams for their own mock draft, and news was slow, a few draft options come in, a few contracts restructured, and normal Ken Whisenhuntian boringness.
I mean seriously, KEN FRICKIN WHISENHUNT!
Anyhow, I introduced myself and tried to butter ‘em up by listing off my tenuous connections to the state. Since I had no clue where to start, I mentioned some mock picks for them, the majority of which seemed to prefer Anthony Barr or even Justin Gilbert. Again, not much to go with, but when dealing with mediocrity you take what you can get.
Seriously, the only positions that everyone could agree NOT to take were running back and kicker/punter, one because there was no first round talent at the position, and the other because WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU TAKE A KICKER IN THE FIRST ROUND?
And then... a miracle. Todd McShay's latest mock comes out, and Teddy Bridgewater drops to #11! And just like dumping a bucket of bloody meat in shark-infested waters, Titans fans appeared to start gushing over how great it would be to get Teddy. Bingo! And so my Big Board began with the Louisville QB, not likely to fall to #11 at BGN, but a consensus #1 if he made it that far. Naturally he went #1 overall.
Resigned to not grabbing Sammy Watkins or a top 5 pass rusher like Clowney or Mack at #11, the Titans fans agreed that Anthony Barr would be a slam dunk if he was available, a prime physical specimen that could grow into his role and be dominant ("forget the other QB's, it's gonna be Bridgewater or Zach Mettenberger" they said). He's probably our favorite pick aaaaaaand that jerk 'pot' (kiddding!)got him to Minny.
OK, plan B. A young offensive tackle would do well too, since Roos was aging and the other starter is an aging free agent, Mr. Blind Side Michael Oher. And since Robinson was a lock for Atlanta the next best pick was Mr. Jake Matthews.
Suddenly, more news! Boy when it comes it comes in waves huh? ...so what is it? Damian Williams signed with Miami, okay... wait who? But it soon became clear that with this Williams dude gone, along with Kenny Britt, the wide receiver corps was young and needed more talent. Hey, Mike Evans is still available! Take him!
"NO! Take Matthews!"
9. BUFFALO BILLS- OT Jake Matthews, Texas A&M
That was easy enough. Mike Evans is a pretty sexy pick for any team, especially the Titans. Guess I should...
10. DETROIT LIONS- WR Mike Evans, Texas A&M
RED ALERT! RED F***ING ALERT!!!
My big board is decimated, all my top picks taken, including the cruelest 8, 9, and 10 combo possible right out from under my nose. I look for guidance from my new colleagues, but they've lost interest. All I can get are a few "man, that sucks," topped with no clue of who to take now. Another WR is a reach. NOBODY wants Lewan. Mosley is too polarizing to make a definitive "Yes" on. A few people suggest Aaron Donald, but none of them even seem sold themselves on it. How the hell will I dig myself out of this one?
Justin Gilbert. How the f*** did I forget about Justin Gilbert? The Titans just lost Alterraun Verner, and while their young CB's look promising, Gilbert is an automatic upgrade with just as much upside. Plus, the Titans' return game is bleh (they signed Leon Washington for Christ's sake!), and Justin Gilbert has the explosiveness to be a good returner! It's perfect, considering the shit I've had to deal with here. So why did nobody on MCM suggest him?
"Ken Whisenhunt has said that we aren't taking a cornerback in the first round."
...know what? I'M NOT KEN FRICKIN WHISENHUNT! I'm able to recognize that the best player left that gives us the greatest benefit at this point is a cornerback, and I'm gonna take him! Jeez, mediocrity is boring as hell. I submit my pick, and crack open a beer in celebration.
But ya know? It don't feel right to pick the minds of Titans fans and then just leave ‘em. Naw, I stick ‘round and chat with ‘em for a bit. They have this cool thing where they post their 10-song playlists fer the weekend on Friday. I play along, posting my 10 picks...
It gets rec'd. It's the only post on the thread that gets rec'd. I go back and look at my posts, notin' the slurrin' and "y'alls" that I post. I contemplate myself and realize that my own life is actually quite mediocre.
My God, I'm goin' native.
1 Houston Texans (Imp) - Teddy Bridgewater, QB, Louisville - [Explanation]
2 St. Louis Rams (starship 007) - Sammy Watkins, WR, Clemson - [Explanation]
3 Jacksonville Jaguars (sports00fan00) - Jadeveon Clowney, DE, SC - [Explanation]
4 Cleveland Browns (InHinkieWeTrust) - Johnny Manziel, QB, TAMU - [Explanation]
5 Oakland Raiders (SleepingDuck) - Khalil Mack, OLB, Buffalo - [Explanation]
6 Atlanta Falcons (jimmyrustler) - Greg Robinson, OT, Auburn - [Explanation]
7 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (AnthroEagle) - Blake Bortles, QB, UCF - [Explanation]
8 Minnesota Vikings (pot) - Anthony Barr, OLB, UCLA - [Explanation]
9 Buffalo Bills (wow4444) - Jake Matthews, OT, TAMU - [Explanation]
10 Detroit Lions (kamjam) - Mike Evans, WR, TAMU - [Explanation]
11 Tennessee Titans (NowWhat?) - Justin Gilbert, CB, OK State - [Explanation]
12 New York Giants (Anthony DiBona) -
13 St. Louis Rams (ILL Eagle) -
14 Chicago Bears (JerkyBoy) -
15 Pittsburgh Steelers (KJ Brophy) -
16 Dallas Cowboys (Patrick Wall) -
17 Baltimore Ravens (rohan915) -
18 New York Jets (del.champion) -
19 Miami Dolphins (HD) -
20 Arizona Cardinals (NCeagle) -
21 Green Bay Packers (ablesser88) -
22 Philadelphia Eagles (jhn) -
23 Kansas City Chiefs (PeaceVT) -
24 Cincinnati Bengals (deg0ey) -
25 San Diego Chargers (StoneColeKiller58) -
26 Cleveland Browns (P_Roach17) -
27 New Orleans Saints (bebin) -
28 Carolina Panthers (MikeKafka) -
29 New England Patriots (Amateur_Hour) -
30 San Francisco 49ers (AndyMcNabb) -
31 Denver Broncos (dceagles) -
32 Seattle Seahawks (eagles0132) -