I hate to interrupt all the endless draft predictions and DeSean recriminations filling up the Eagles' internet universe, but this is important.
Evan Mathis is asking for more money, and the team needs to do whatever it takes to keep him on board.
Not because he's good at football -- which I guess he is, if you like blocking (BORING) and all that All-Pro BS -- but because he's consistently the funniest guy on the team. At least publicly, and what good does it do us if a player is a private, locker room cut-up? Mathis is actually trending today in Philly. At least two of his tweet/photo combinations have led to national news stories. And he's one of the best interviews on the team.
He's rude, obnoxioius, silly, self-deprecating and consistently chortle-worthy. And his range is remarkable. He's got standard-issue jokes:
I met a stripper named Angle. Her dumbass parents couldn't spell Angel. She was acute one though.
You think that's a little corny? You're just being obtuse. When was the last time you got 496 retweets?
Then there are provocative political statements, like this classic: On a similar note, after the death of Fred Phelps -- the man who picketed military funerals to make some obscure anti-gay point -- Mathis tweeted:
Condolences for Fred Phelps' death can be sent from http://mailpoop.com . Westboro Baptist Church 3701 SW 12th St Topeka, KS 66604
But politics is a small part. He has trenchant social commentary, too:
People that capitalize the first letter of every word, or type in all caps, are serial killers and should be avoided at all costs.
And 13 months ago, when this was sorely needed, he Instagramm'ed a screen shot from an online Scrabble-type game reading: "yolo is not an acceptable word." Damn right.
There are hilarious commentaries on football and football personalities. His most infamous tweet of all was aimed at Tim Tebow.
@TimTebow, thinking about you big guy. pic.twitter.com/h0lPoJwQtB— Evan Mathis (@EvanMathis69) May 19, 2013
Boom. 693 retweets. Just as funny was his response to a Vine video of Manti T'eo posing awkwardly in a "tough" stance:
Aww. He’s adorable. RT @ToppsFB: Offensives beware! Te’o is coming to get you!! #rookiepremiere https://vine.co/v/bEtA07070jd
Update: from Facebook