None of the following have happened today.
- Donovan McNabb was traded to the Vikings for their whole draft and Brad Childress' moustache. He's literally going to shave it off and mail to the NovaCare complex.
- Andy Reid has suddenly decided to retire and teach swing dancing.
- Merrel Reese has been implicated in the Spitzer prostitution ring.
- Mike Patterson has given up football to concentrate on fashion design.
- We've traded Lito Sheppard for a prize winning race horse.
- Dave Spadaro has been cast as Daddy Warbucks in a revival of Little Orphan Annie.
- G Cobb has donated his Christmas sweater vest to goodwill.
- The Linc has been renamed Doodlebops Stadium after being bought by Disney
- Finally, the Phillies did not get blown out by the Nats after a gut wrenching 9th inning in their home opener. Oh wait...