I have always been rather indifferent towards La Canfora, never been a fan or detractor of his, always thought of him as just another NFL reporter. And then I read his ridiculous article this morning that was included in the Linc and thought it might be fun to dissect it Block Quote style.
I have a full pot of coffee, a Scrapple & Egg breakfast sandwich, A Bronx Tale on Spike, nothing important to do and a bit of an edge because I just moved 3,000 miles from paradise on Earth to the last place a grown ass man ever wants to find himself, Mom's house.
Alright ramblers, let's get rambling.
If you are replacing the greatest coach in your franchise history, you might want to actually have a plan to replace him.
I guarantee that they have a plan in place Simple Jason (I am stealing this moniker from Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder and tweaking it slightly because apparently Jason didn't get the memo and went full retard when he wrote this article, and as we all know, you NEVER go full retard). It may indeed turn out not to be the best thought out plan or the plan that involves hiring a HC sooner rather than later, but my main point on this is unless you have 100% direct access to the Eagles Power Triumvirate, you don't know if they don't have a plan. You are really just trolling them with this stance.
Chasing every hot college coach, scrambling to the media to confirm some coaching interviews, obscure others; releasing skewed information about your whereabouts and resorting to day-late spin tactics after being repeatedly left at the altar isn't going to fly in Philly.
Actually Simple Jason, the results of the HC search and more importantly the results he achieves are what really matters in Philly. I am pretty sure that if their plan were to fly to Calcutta and have a legion of cross-dressing, transvestite monks spray their testicles with Asian Pear Fly blood and semen, come back to Philly dressed in matching mumu's and chanting ancient hymns that are supposed to procure the Generous and Great Football Gods to bestow upon the E.P.T. the next best HC in the NFL who was ensured of winning a SB AND THAT GUY actually won the SB, not one fucking Eagles fan will give a shit of how the HC search was conducted when they are getting hammered drunk during the parade down Broad St.
...and not with a young general manager, Howie Roseman, trying to fight a growing perception around the league that he is woefully out of his depth. (Say what you want about the Bears' exhaustive search, but they haven't been strung out by college coaches who were unlikely to leave campus anyway).
2 things here: Until a respected football name is actually attached to these rumors of NFL people having this so-called perception of Howie being out of his depth, not just it was heard by somebody's sister's cousin's brother-in-law's baby sister's dog groomer, this is a fact-less hyperbole. Also, there is nothing wrong with approaching extreme long-shots and giving it your best go. This is how trolls like me go to the bar and take home chicks that I have no business being with. Because I tried despite the long odds, and if I got a no, I was no worse off than I was 5 minutes earlier. But if I got the yes, I was smiling from ear to ear for days. As my dad told me, to get to the moon, you have to shoot for the stars.
The last two seasons, culminating with Roseman's rise to power in Philadelphia, have been marred with horror signings like Nnamdi Asomugha, the firing of coordinators and assistants in-season, some pretty obvious situations where the personnel didn't fit the scheme, the demise of Reid. Jason Babin being waived in-season a year after challenging the single-season sack record pretty much sums up the Roseman Era. Some strange front office firings mixed in there too.
So much wrong with this paragraph it could be a FP all on it's own. We have revisionist history (the NA signing was applauded by practically every pundit alive, and some dead), plain inaccuracy (the firings were Big Red's doing), a problem every franchise deals with (personnel bad fits), retarded ridiculousness (Babin got waived because he wasn't earning his paycheck, his replacements were outplaying him and his release cost the organization absolutely nothing) and the coup de grace, blaming Howie for the demise of Big Red. Any chance Big Red was responsible for Big Red's demise? Nah, no way, it was definitely the fault of the guy WHO REPORTS to Big Red, not Big Red and his extremely poor decision making since JJ passed away.
Oh, and also plenty of less-than-competitive football.
This is on the players Simple Jason. If you believe him, apparently Howie is the only person who is being asked to be held accountable in this organization.
Couple that with this strange coaching search, and the pressure is mounting on Roseman. And now, there is no longer anyone to hide behind. Say what you want about former team president Joe Banner and his quirky coaching search in Cleveland, but a certain degree of chaos has seemed to permeate the Eagles building since he left.
So Simple Jason, our HC search is "strange" but Cleveland's is "quirky"? According to this, those two words are synonyms (that is if you trust a shady website like Thesaurus.com) and yet your implication Simple Jason is that our "strange" approach is faulty but Cleveland's "quirky" approach isn't. Yeah, that makes sense.
Rather, very different chatter has been growing in NFL circles for weeks. What's up with the Eagles job? Why don't guys want it? What are their concerns?
Got proof? Sources? Quotes? Nah, we don't need that burdensome journalistic filler in today's world anymore, do we Simple Jason? And has it been proven that we were the ones left at the altar? Isn't it possible, although admittedly the less likely but not totally improbable scenario, that we walked away from the candidates because they weren't ideal fits? No, that can't possibly be, because that wouldn't lead to pageviews, now would it?
(Break time, it's the bar scene with the bikers in Bronx Tale, can't multi-task through one of the best scenes in cinematic history. "Now yous can't leave.")
Okay, I'm back.
I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me one esteemed coach or another advised one of the Eagles' top candidates not to take the job precisely because of Roseman's presence there.
And yet Simple Jason, you still aren't attaching any specific source to this apparently wide ranging opinion.
The rumblings about Roseman lacking nuance and foresight, about him turning people off with how drunk with power he's become, only grow louder as his coaching search grows stranger.
And yet AGAIN Simple Jason, as loud as it apparently is, you still aren't attaching any specific source to this. And show me a GM who doesn't have a burgeoning sense of self confidence and I will show you a GM who is in the wrong line of work. Lacking self confidence isn't exclusive to Howie in the NFL. Some of the greatest NFL people ever had egos that barely fit into the stadiums that their teams played in.
Eventually, they'll hire someone. And they'll try to tell you this was the guy all along and he was by far the best candidate and had the best interviews and all that good stuff.
You are right Simple Jason, how dare the E.P.T. actually talk to the candidates to discover what their vision and plan is and not just read their fucking minds or assume they know exactly what each candidate wants. As for telling the fanbase that they got the guy they wanted all along, how the fuck is that different from every other HC signing, draft pick selection, FA signing that has happened in the history of the NFL. The next time an organization comes out and tells the fanbase that they didn't get their guy and they had to settle WILL BE THE VERY FIRST TIME an organization comes out and tells the fanbase that they didn't get their guy and they had to settle. This is standard operating procedure in the NFL Simple Jason.
And you know what, as long as they win, nothing else will matter and all will be forgotten.
Well at least he got this part right. Maybe Simple Jason didn't go full retard after all.
Thanks for reading, and feel free to chime in below, because as always, time's yours.