I'm no n00bz, so don't hate on me for this, guys. Predictions are ultimately bullshit, as everyone knows. But for whatever reason, I love any kind of speculation, to the point where I've been spending 20-30 minutes daily Googling 'nfl predictions'. Even the random forum threads populated by da n00bz pique my interest, so it stands to reason that I'd love to hear all your voices too. Recs would be nice so we can all revisit this in a few months and laugh our asses off.

My own picks (with somewhat intelligent-sounding logic that's really a steaming pile of BS) after the jump...

NFC East

Philadelphia Eagles

New York Giants

Dallas Cowboys

Washington Redskins

Intelligent Analysis

Homer pick is homer, but I can't help but be optimistic about the Eagles' chances this season. Giants are solid where it counts, and will probably outperform their 2011 regular season. Dallas is nice, but lack of depth is startling. I honestly think this will be again one of the better divisions in the NFL this season, though there may not be a wild card because of a tough schedule and matchups v. each other. LOLskins will remain in the Shana-rut of the past few seasons, 5-6 wins max. The RG3 hope poster is nice though.

NFC North

Green Bay Packers

Chicago Bears

Detroit Lions

Minnesota Vikings

Packers are good as always with Aaron Rodgers and the short passing game they think is the modern equivalent of running the ball. I'm not as high on their defense as most might be, they had an unreasonable amount of turnovers last year. Bears have a very underrated offense and an overrated defense, but they will be in the thick of things too. Detroit is the classic young one-step-back-two-steps-forward team, the NFC equivalent of the Bengals. I really like the bad-boy image they are cultivating there, it's too bad Stafford and Megatron aren't going with the gameplan. Reminiscent of the great Pistons teams. As an aside, a friend and I were joking that if any player could beat the Madden curse, it would be Megatron. He then made the point that the most logical way Megatron would suffer is if Stafford got hurt, which is very likely. Vikings are in the mix for #1... in the 2013 draft.

NFC South

New Orleans Saints

Atlanta Falcons

Carolina Panthers

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Saints O will not be affected by scandal, and will probably be record-breaking yet again - Drew Brees plays like a man possessed. Falcons are solid but excellence is still currently in doubt. Would not be surprised if either Panthers or Bucs broke through, but Bucs are a work in progress and Panthers still need work defensively.

NFC West

Seattle Seahawks

San Francisco 49ers

Arizona Cardinals

St. Louis Rams

San Fran is due for major statistical regression, and Seahawks will have growing pains but have a lot of potential. Defense will carry the team for most of the season. Cardinals have a nice D but that OL would be improved by the addition of a blocking sled at left tackle. Rams are young, need work.

AFC East

New England Patriots

Buffalo Bills

New York Jets

Miami Dolphins

Weak division... Patriots are a runaway, I don't buy the Bills having significantly improved yet, Jets are atrocious but Dolphins could be worse.

AFC North

Pittsburgh Steelers

Baltimore Ravens

Cincinnati Bengals

Cleveland Browns

Age, injuries, and inexperience means that this division is not as great as many like to think it is. I really don't like picking any of the three contenders to win the division, so Steelers by default, because of their offense. Big Ben is less than 5 years from retirement, the way this OL is currently going. Ravens D will see major decline, and Ray Rice alone cannot carry that team. Bengals were young even before they got banged up this preseason, and Browns will do Cleveland things.

AFC South

Houston Texans

Jacksonville Jaguars

Indianapolis Colts

Tennessee Titans

I think this division is on the rise. Texans in another runaway. Jaguars D is underrated and Blaine Gabbert may or may not have made strides this preseason. The Colts will be like the Panthers last year... Luck will impress us all but they'll do worse than they should because of the youth and defense. Titans are rebuilding and lost some contributors... they will take a big step back.

AFC West

Denver Broncos

Kansas City Chiefs

San Diego Chargers

Oakland Raiders

Cannot get a read on this division. Broncos win because I can't see anyone do better, Chiefs would be incredible if they had gotten Manning, but will settle for being halfway decent. Chargers are old and an organization going the wrong way, poor Rivers. Raiders look like they may be tanking.

THE PLAYOFFS

NFC:

Green Bay Packers

Philadelphia Eagles

New Orleans Saints

Seattle Seahawks

Chicago Bears

Atlanta Falcons

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Seahawks over Bears

Seahawks do Seattle playoff stuff... Bears choke.

Saints over Falcons

The legend of Matty Ice Cold continues.

Eagles over Saints

Somehow, someway, this will happen. I just don't know how.

Packers over Seahawks

Yah.

Eagles over Packers

The signature Vick-tory of the Michael Experience...

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AFC:

New England Patriots

Houston Texans

Pittsburgh Steelers

Denver Broncos

Baltimore Ravens

Kansas City Chiefs

Way too vanilla, there will not be so many holdovers. But AFC sucks, so whatever.

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Ravens over Broncos

Think of the New England walloping a few years back.

Steelers over Chiefs

This prediction thread is getting really fucking boring.

Steelers over Texans

At this point, I'm just half-assing it.

Patriots over Ravens

I don't believe in any of my playoff picks.

Patriots over Steelers

I was going for another Keystone Super Bowl opportunity here, and another miss. But a signature Vicktory for the Red Green Walrus?

SUPPR BOWL

EAGLES

Fuck all the other prediction stuff, the last 1000 words have been total bullshit anyways. Go wild with your own predictions, though, I will waste an inordinate amount of my life reading them and giving you your five seconds of self validation.