The UnPro Bowl: An Immodest Proposal
by theguyotc on Jan 29, 2012 9:20 PM EST
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Print[Note by JasonB, 01/29/12 10:41 PM EST ] There's no doubt that this would be more compelling than the actual Pro Bowl.
Watching the sloppy, pointless Pro Bowl I suddenly had a great idea: the UnPro Bowl. Just like the Pro Bowl, fans vote for the worst starters in the league at every position, and they face each other in an AFC/NFC matchup. Just like the Pro Bowl, the winning team gets paid a big bonus.
What's the appeal? Since these players are presumably the worst starters in the league, they probably need the money. They'd work hard. Well, some of them. It would also serve as a real test of which conference is better that year. And it would be hilarious.
Other rules:
- Coaches would come from the team in each conference with the fewest wins, assuming he hadn't been fired.
- It would be held in whatever city is rumored to be losing their team. Tiebreaker goes to the oldest stadium. If no team is moving, it goes to the city with the most blackouts.
- The lowest-rated major network broadcasts the game.
- The booth team would be Jon Gruden with Joe Theismann and Matt Millen. Vegas would lay odds on how long it took Gruden to stop being relentlessly positive. If the network has to bleep him or he's obviously drunk, you'd get rich with a decent-sized bet.
- To encourage people to buy tickets, fans would be allowed to throw food onto the field at any player or coach.
- Also to encourage ticket sales, the losing team would have to run a gauntlet of fans with paintball guns to leave the stadium.
Any other rule ideas? Nominees for starters?
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I think it could use a better name.
The Scrub Bowl?
The Toilet Bowl?
Follow @PhillyFollower
Writer at Iggles Nest
by PhiladelphiaEagles on Jan 29, 2012 9:27 PM EST reply actions
I would just be interested in who gets voted in. And it would be hilariously bad. Maybe.
RIP Jim Johnson, best ever.
"WHY IS THIS PINK-HAIRED BITCH A CAR?!"
I think the discussion would be fascinating
People arguing terrible stats versus blowing key plays as a measure of a bad player.
The Blow Bowl
Who wouldn’t want to see Kevin Kolb square off against Curtis Painter?
God Damn you, Andy Reid.
The fat queen has failed us again. Reid must go.
by EvilBanner on Jan 29, 2012 9:44 PM EST reply actions 2 recs
Caleb would make them look like Peyton Manning.
So Sixers fan here.... just asking a question.
so I heard you guy are 8.5 mil over the cap. Who do you see leaving next year?
by BIBTD on Jan 28, 2012 6:14 PM PST reply actions
the rest of the fans
follow me on twitter: @danieldresden
by dandresden
It seems strange to say, but this is probably the best fanpost that’s been posted in a week.
AR should have to wear a Flava Flav necklace until he learns how to manage a clock.
I am the proud target of temper tantrums.
Brilliant!!
It's never easy being an Eagle fan........but I'll be damned if I ever stop.
Sign Spags Now !!!
Would be at least
10 times better than what was on tonite.
It's never easy being an Eagle fan........but I'll be damned if I ever stop.
Sign Spags Now !!!
by JJeaglerooter on Jan 29, 2012 10:46 PM EST up reply actions
I certainly hope........
they get the shittiest flag happy refs too.and blind ones here and their.
It's never easy being an Eagle fan........but I'll be damned if I ever stop.
Sign Spags Now !!!
by JJeaglerooter on Jan 30, 2012 4:32 AM EST up reply actions
On a more serious note
The Pro Bowl is pointless and a waste of time to watch. The voting is a popularity contest that frequently has no connection to actual performance. The NFL would be better off without it, since All Pro would be the thing players worked for.
A popularity contest actually works for this idea. Unloved players have a chance to go out and prove fans wrong. Players (and coaches) on the edge might be able to save their jobs. And it would be fun, possibly even for the players selected eventually. Struggling networks get a ratings boost, cities presumably in bad shape get some tourism money, and the fans get a game that is actually worth watching.
How about having skill events like the 3 major sports team?
Long ball punting?! No
Best celebration dancing… no
Hot dog eating? yes
Blind throwing? yes
At least it isn’t like baseball… where the all star game determines who has home field advantage for the World Series
So Sixers fan here.... just asking a question.
so I heard you guy are 8.5 mil over the cap. Who do you see leaving next year?
by BIBTD on Jan 28, 2012 6:14 PM PST reply actions
the rest of the fans
follow me on twitter: @danieldresden
by dandresden
I would like to see something entertaining though..
Like the fastest 4 players that year (however you wanna.determine it: breakaway speed blah) have a race to determine who actually is the fastest
Strongest arm competition.. Basically which ever qb can throw the ball the deepest or something.
some competition displaying. elusiveness, best hands, best PR/KR, something for the lineman too. Like Ohio drills.
Also have a FG challenge with kickers. Something like horse but they spell kick and see who has the strongest, most accurate leg..
I mean, all of these would basically end.with the best players playing hard for pride, respect and the ooohs and ahhs from the crowd.
Just a few things I’d rather see..
by TimmyGee on Jan 29, 2012 11:53 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Yus!!
"I’m the real macaroni you cheesy b@#$%, I’m demonic with the Kraft" - Eminem
"Don't bother getting married - just find a woman you hate and buy her a house." - some anonymous great man
Tebow vs. Romo
Tebow gets Ochocinco, Romo gets T.O.
Also: Joe Buck as the lead broadcaster (“Welcome to the Blow Bowl, folks, I’m Joe Buck, your lead Blowhard today.”)
And finally: Juan gets to be the HC of both teams (cause he’s such a hard worker and nice guy, of course!).
Andy Reid Is A Fraud
by Eagles_Fan_In_San_Fran on Jan 29, 2012 11:19 PM EST reply actions
Here's a thought
Instead of the Coach with the lowest record who hasn’t been fired, make it the coach who has been fired. Or the coach with the best record in the conference who was still fired. Am I making this too much of a Redemption Bowl?
I thought this was stupid
until i saw the paintball gauntlet. I would pay a couple hundred bucks for a chance to shoot some nfl players with a paintball gun.
I felt like destroying something beautiful
I suspect you have to buy and bring your own paintball gun though
French fries are really Belgian, sausages and bagels have the same amount of protein, two countries' names mean "turkey", and Santa Claus was invented by the Coca-Cola company. Is life weird or what?
Debe ser verde y volante - Πράσινο και να πετάει - It's gotta be green and it's gotta fly!
They should play the game on Soldier Field
Formerly DeSean10
36-5-20-JJ -- Forever Bleeding Green
Team Kuechly, J. Jenkins, Iloka
by AnthroEagle on Jan 29, 2012 11:48 PM EST reply actions 2 recs
who wouldn't wanna see rex Grossman get picked off 100 times in a game
Or jarrad page get trucked into a coma
"Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that."-Bill Shankly
Got bad knees and a high motor? Well cmon on over to PHILLY, we'll do our best to put you in the right position and do a better job!
by theaction on Jan 30, 2012 12:27 AM EST via mobile reply actions
That assumes there would be defenders
who can actually catch the ball!
Two thoughts
I’m not sure I want to see Andy coach the game if fans are allowed to throw food on the field.
And it would be hilarious to see 11 Jerrad Page just missing tackles left and right, oh the missery
Another thought...........
fans get 3 pink tennis balls to toss onto the field at their moment of choice.
3 × 40,000 equals hilarity.
It's never easy being an Eagle fan........but I'll be damned if I ever stop.
Sign Spags Now !!!
A few ideas for competitions
Most exact punt (with or without pressure) – the punter calls out beforehand how many yards he expects to kick it and the one who comes closest to his own prediction wins.
Wrong position competition – a player will have the option of playing a different position from his usual one. Whoever does best at it wins a prize of some kind.
Any kickoffs must be returned by offensive or defensive linemen.
The potato play – each team gets one play per half where they can choose to play using a raw potato instead of a football. Still counts the same as regular plays though, except that the play is dead if the potato breaks.
Offensive linemen vs. cheerleader races?
The slowcoach bowl – which coach can run the slowest or fastest (I don’t know, might produce heart attacks)
French fries are really Belgian, sausages and bagels have the same amount of protein, two countries' names mean "turkey", and Santa Claus was invented by the Coca-Cola company. Is life weird or what?
Debe ser verde y volante - Πράσινο και να πετάει - It's gotta be green and it's gotta fly!
70 year-old chearleaders
with colostomy bags instead of pom-poms for the Gatorade Shower.
by Live from Quahog on Jan 30, 2012 9:19 AM EST reply actions
I hate you
For giving me that mental image.
El Donkerino (if you're not into the whole brevity thing).
I miss me some Brian Dawkins :(
by El Donkerino on Jan 30, 2012 9:39 AM EST up reply actions
The most awesome part about this is
hoping that one year the entire LOLskins line up will be named the NFC starting line up. Or thinking that Daniel Snyder (motto: Post Senility Al Davis without the Brains) will overpay for the Scrub Bowl MVP.
I vote for juan Castillo
To coach the NFC. Maybe he can have the wr’s play zone rather than running routes.
by Saidrick on Jan 30, 2012 7:33 PM EST via mobile reply actions 1 recs
Make it discoordinated
The offense must be coordinated by a defensive position coach, coordinator, or special teams coach.
Likewise for defense and special teams.
Everyone has to be trying to do the wrong job because they didn’t do their regular one.
"Wired into a different set of circuits from the rest of McWorld" (David Ignatius)
... and vaffanculo to all other jurisdictions!
Debe ser verde y volante - Πράσινο και να πετάει - It's gotta be green and it's gotta fly!
The only bad thing with this whole idea
Is having Gruden, Theisman, and Millen as the broadcast team. No need to torture the fans watching it. You are a very bad man for that suggestion.
Also, I say have the worst coaches coach it, even if they were fired. A bad job is a bad job and should be rewarded. Plus if he’s being fired he’ll need the money anyway.
by Baron Dainer Von Tresvant on Jan 31, 2012 10:32 AM EST reply actions
Here's a counter idea: the Madden Pro Bowl
Special Madden game and system where each player controls themselves. Two huge screens, the players literally sit down in chairs in formation, offense facing opposite of defense. Let them curse their lungs out……couldn’t put in on TV anyway, but you could put it live on the Internet. Nobody would get hurt, players don’t do their flag football farce, and you could have it in Hawaii. Big promo for the video game. Lot of players play Madden already. Game would be over in about an hour. Can have player substitutions. Can have blitzes, trash talking, hard hits, etc.
Problem I see there is that good players probably suck at Madden, lol. Especially the superstar platform that they’d have to use for this.
Formerly DeSean10
36-5-20-JJ -- Forever Bleeding Green
Team Kuechly, J. Jenkins, Iloka
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