Should this be a fanpost? Nah, probably not. But it is, and the mods can delete it if they so choose.
But seriously guys, just admit it, this is the real deal… It would be funny if it weren’t, but it is. Here is a sample of the old JIBTA’s most recent fanpost:
Ok you guys asked for it .. here it is .. Jibtas offseason guide ...which if followed correctly will imdeitly result in superbowl victories .. some side effects may apply
ok so first off the million dollar question .. what to do with mike vick
Simple .. Franchie tag him
why? beacause you dont have to sign him long term .. how much cheaper would it really be to sign him long term than the tag? not too much .. considering the season hes coming off ... factoring in his age and playing style .. i say franchise him and see what he does next year
Next question .. who will be the back up qb and what does that mean for kolb?
Well im going to kill two birds with one stone ... EAGLES TRADE KOLB and a 4th round pick TO TITANS FORVINCE YOUNG , a 1st (next year) and 3rd (this year).
We have all seen what andy can do with a black athletic qb .. young is going to be moved .. tenn needs a qb now .. specifiaclly not one who played at penn state when i was in grade school.. with chris johnson they need a young qb .. kolb would fit perfectly .. we get young cheap and can mold him to possibly be the starter .. and we get a 1st rounder and swap a 4th for a 3rd .. wow thats a perfect trade to me
now lets play a little game .. Free agents .. our own .. who stays and who leaves
Reggie wells- You can stay if you come cheap .. great back up with starting potential
Nick cole- See reggie, wells
Max- Resigned .has done a good job at guard .. should be resigned and challange for starting job ,.hes a man beast
Ambiamari- sorry bud i cant resign you .. i fear you will get injured picking up the pen so im going to pass
Ernie sims- has been solid but nothign special .. im not going to bring you back
Bradley - altho i am not a huge bradley suporter, im going to resign you .. and heres why .. you arnt the best mlb .. but you will fit great at will next to chaney .. our lbs should be improved .. im ok with bradley chaney and fokou but i would like to provide some competion in the draft
akeem jordan- depends .. you are solid on special teams .. if you are coming cheap ill take you as competion for camp
Jerome harrison- should be retained as our back up rb .. has done a great job since coming over and great insurance for mccoy .. signed to 3 year deal
ellis hobbs- i will personally drive you to the airport .. dont ever come back to philly unless you are playing corner for some other team .. than come back anytime
Q- im going to let you walk .. you are solid but not special .. aging .. and going to demand more than your worth
akers - theres no question he will be back
Rocca- ehh i can live with out him .. he can be replaced or brought back ... id prob sign him and someone else and let them fight it out in camp
Colt anderson- Almost forgot him .. sign this motherfucker today .. what a beast he is on special teams .. i think u can allocate one spot on the 53 for a special teamer and this guy excells at that
SO NOW ON To the fun part .. who to sign in the off season .. get ready cuz im going to make a splash
on day one the eagles go big ..
SIgn guard logan mankins to a 6 year 43 million dollar deal
Well here you go .. you wanted a star guard .. you got it .. hes young .. hes well worth the money .. and will start imedietly next to peters and form the best left side in football .. herremans will be moved to right and challange max for the other guard spot
and ... eagles sign CB Nnamdi Asomugha to a 5 year 52 million dollar deal
Never again will you see kenny britt running down the sidelines free .. never again will you see any average wr running down the sidelines free .. hobbs was a trash can ..patterson was a trash truck .. and lindley is talented but better off as the third corner .. i told u i was going to make a splash
now for some minor moves but one you will prob love
And here’s his new stuff:
Howie: well leave the contract talks to me coach. back to the main issue here,, what are we going to do about this cornerback postion
AR: who else is out there?
Howie: well theres asomugha, ike taylor, brent grimes, jonathan joseph
AR: Wait did you say jonathan joseph! stop right there ive heard enough. JIBTA was just telling me the other day that he was one of the best young cornerbacks in the game ... get it done! if JIBTA says hes good than i want him .. that guy is a genius
Howie: Well i cant argue with that.. he did tell us to get Vick, draft jack, and rreplace akers.. hes a pretty smart guy .. Joseph will be the first call i make
AR: what a shame about jack He would have been our probowl Corner if that crazy fan from BGN didnt jump him and reinjure his knee! They just couldnt let JIBTA BE RIGHT
Howie: well coach one last thing.. what do you think we should do about our linebackers .. bradley and sims are both question marks.. should we bring them back?
AR: I dont think we should.. they didnt do anything to impress me.. i like sims cuz hes athletic fast and black, but i could do with out him.. Bradley cant even dress himself .. ill pass on him to
Howie: ok well i know Chaney will be starting .. what about fokou?
AR: he sucks .. try and trade him .. i dont like his name either
Howie: but coach we do need to have some lbs to play defense
AR: howie relax , i have trotters number on speed dial
Howie: isnt he like 40 with two bad knees?
AR: nonsense, Trotter is a great linebacker.. the best ive ever coached
Howie: well dhani banjo jones, mark simeneu, and carlos emmons were pretty decent
AR: Howie it was an air guitar get it strait .. and JIBTA tells me we may have found a gem in brian rolle .. he thinks hes gonna be special
Howie: wow JIBTA said that .. damn maybe we will be ok than ..Dreadlocks too! Brian rolle and chaney will give us two good young lbs along with casey mathews .. but ill still look and see if there are any veterns worth bringing in
AR: Well i think we will be ok.. im heading to Golden corral .. we can discuss this more next week howie
Howie: ok coach ... ill take care of everything dont worry
AR:Dont worry howie, cuz i never worry
Notice the identical grammatical artistry? The faulty ellipses? The complete lack of apostrophes? (Go ahead, ctrl+f the apostrophe symbol, mine will be the only ones). The sporadic punctuation? The way he claims to have wanted Akers gone when he really said he wanted him back? That’s trademark JIBTA! His spelling might be a tad better, but it’s still below the level of the average 6th grader. This is JIBTA!
And to the conspiracy theory about "jack is better than asante" posting recently, it’s simply untrue. See the picture below; the JIBTA profile was made a month after the old one became inactive. BGN, JIBTA is JIBTA…