Taking a page from the NFL's playbook, MLS has launched an initiative aimed at gaining fans and promoting youth soccer. Unfortunately, most of the slogans didn't work out so well.
Jokes after the jump
Get your ticket now. Soccer: why not make fun of it in person?
Soccer: a good sport for kids who flinch.
Soccer: it's like jogging, but with a ball.
Soccer: for when you've misplaced your penis, but still want to watch "sports."
Soccer: do you like getting trophies for participation?
Soccer, because you have to do something to kill time between riots.
Do you like watching paint dry, but find it too fast paced and hard to follow? Soccer.
Do you like basketball but hate all that scoring? Soccer, 1-0 baby.
Soccer: if you think golf is a sport, you're going to love this shit.
Want to play water polo but are a-scairt of the water? Soccer.
Soccer: where do you think your kickers come from?
Soccer: it's like hockey without the skating, sticks or violence. Yea, it's that good.
Soccer: it's like polo without the horses or sticks. Yea, we're not even trying anymore.
Soccer. Would you just pick up the fucking ball all ready? No.
Soccer: so your dad can pretend to be proud of you too.
Soccer. Want to be macho like a Frenchman?
Soccer: slightly cooler than joining the track team.
Do people make fun of you and your friends when you run gaily around in an open field? Take a ball next time. Soccer.
Soccer: the #1 cause of inadvertant gay bashing.
Soccer: Young boys in short shorts. Brought to you by NAMBLA.
Soccer: this shit is just too easy to make fun of.
Soccer: it's not just for sissies anymore. C'mon you gotta be brave to fuck that freeze dried twat Posh.
Soccer: the "sport" where you won't mind if your kid sucks.
Have Irritable Bowel Syndrome? You won't miss a thing. Soccer!
Having trouble bonding with the son who wants to be the Pink Power Ranger? Soccer it up.
Soccer players: even Clay Aiken calls them fags.
So, your kid can't catch? Soccer.
Soccer: even we're not sure who's paying to watch this shit.
Soccer, because your mom deserves to meet boys to have sex with too.
DISCLAIMER: these are all meant in good fun and not as an attack on anyone, except for the French.