FanPost

Iggy's Annual Off-Season Rant and Prediction

Complaints

1. Who really gives a fleep whether the players or the owners carve up the $Billions in question?  You would think they'd want to get back to selling us suckers tickets and products and raking in our hard earned cash ASAP. Greedy mother-cluckers!

2. If I hear 'Where will Kolb land?' one more time I am going to take a dump on the Rocky statues head at high noon in front of the Art Museum. 

3. Who the florsheim gave JIBTA those medications?  Where the hell is CNCITIngnoramous? Why is there no one here to pick on?

4. Who the flake has been eating my hummos?

5. If Jeff Lurie and Michael Vick get one more freaking award from a social or community or whatever organization, I am going throw myself from the roof of the Spectrum. I swear the media is trying to collectively kiss both of their asses at the same time.  Boo!

Predictions

1.  Every single drafted player will start this year. Only the sixth round pick will complete the season without an ACL tear (yeah, I know, smart ass, there is no sixth round pick.)

1a.  Given last years late round draft successes, Howie Rosenthal will trade all of our picks down so that the eagles will have 36-7th round picks. Don't ask how he gets 36 of them, you know how those FO guys can bargain.

2. The team surgeon will start keeping cadavers onsite in the Linc Morgue (right next to the courthouse) so that they can repair eagles ACL's mid game.

3. The media will give Jeff Lurie a blowjob on national TV while concurrently announcing that Eagles fans are so evil that they once cooked and ate Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny.

4. JIBTA will become the BGN peacemaker in 2012, resolving arguments fairly and wisely. His mascot will be a flying pig.

5. The Eagles will trade Kevin Kolb to Minnesota. Vick will tear both ACL's in the toilet. Kafka will rupture a disk while signing an autograph.  Jeff Garcia will come back and have a heart attack during his first practice. Brett Farve will offer to unretire, but be ruled out after sexting Jeff Lurie's wife after a night out drinking with Ben Rottenbooger. In desparation, the eagles will sign Donovan McNabb off of waivers towards the end of the preseason for $45 per game, guaranteed.  McNabb will go on to win the Superbowl for the Eagles in the best statistical season of any QB in NFL history. Joe_D will be arrested for murdering him during the victory parade.  

6. I am going to get my butt reamed for this post.

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