FanPost

Call now! Free Tarot Reading! Miss Cleo meets the Eagles.

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Eagles fans are depressed. Who can blame them after seeing Thursday's train wreck? If you didn't watch the game I can explain it with one picture.

Aw2lo8_medium

(credit to Andyreidwaistline... odd that the fanshot has negative 2 comments).

Now Eagles fans are trying to filled a void on Sundays. Eating turkeys, Christmas shopping or getting fat is what many Eagles fans are doing now. Is there a way to stop the cycle? Is there a way to bring Christmas joy to BGN. Oddly, I was watching television and an interesting commercial appears.

Miss Cleo Commercial - Call Me Now! (via kevstheatre)


Call me now for your free tarot reading! Oh dear, you again. Who could forget Miss Cleo's fake Jamaican accent and her well known pyramid scheme? Your target audiences were not dumb. I was eight years old and I knew it was fake. If Ms. Cleo gave her tarot reading to middle class Americans, she would had been successful. Zodiac signs, palm reading, and alternative medicine are popular for a reason. These people want to believe they are "well-cultured". Before you can try your luck again, try "reading" some Eagles' players' "fate".

First, we will start with Desean Jackson.

Cleo: Ahh I see that you are irritated about your contract?

Jackson: Yeah, man. Eagles Front Office treating me like I'm a slave. Don't they know slavery is over now... I want my reparations now! I'm one of the greatest athletes ever. Why can't they pay me.?I need my money so I can show my homeboy that I'm rich. I have to get paid, son.

Cleo: Very well. I also can see that you are displeased with your teammates.

Jackson: Yeah, man. Vince Young acting like a moron. The dude throws like he is handicap-able. Why is he still in this league? He is getting paid 4 millions dollars to be stupid. Maybe I'll get paid if I just jogged around and act like I belong on the short bus. If a Wonderlic of 6 can do it, it can be done again. I don't care about the rest of the team. Everyone sucks except for me.

Cleo: I see in your future that you will be paid handsomely.

Jackson: Really! That's great brah. I need to get my papers to show my homeboys that I am a baller. We ballerz have show that we own this place.. something called So Cal swagger. You know what I mean, son. Can't have these whack fools acting like they are a boss. Make it rain brah.

(6 months later. Desean Jackson plays for the Chicago Rush, earning 600 dollars a game.

Jackson: I'm going to bust that Miss Cleo's face.... I'm going to ...

Terelle Owens appears from nowhere and greets him. "Welcome to the team, I knew you were going to make the right decision". " I have 4 kids and an estranged baby momma.. can't be taking my money". "Ooh you didn't know child support sucks especially when the courts think you are baller... I can barely afford to eat bacon in the morning. *sniff sniff*

Jackson: RAGEEEEEEEEEEE!

Vince Young calls.

Young: Hi, is this Miss Cleo? I heard you can change the future.

Cleo: Ahem... yes. Let me read your tarot card my child. Ahhh I see that this year hasn't been a dream for you?

Young: No... I thought I was getting paid 4 million dollars to sit on the bench. I thought it would be easy money with all the talent the Eagles signed. Didn't think I would have to play.

Cleo: umm.. yes. I even read in the cards that you are having problems in your personal life.

Young: Well...yeah. Home boy wouldn't give me singles at the bar so I punch his punk self. Then I had some bozo acting like he was me. I'm so great, people want to be me. People envy my accomplishments. I can't help I am God's gift to the world.

Audio cuts.

Announcer: Try Ms. Cleo's free tarot reading. Real people. Real Stories. Call now at 1-888- 8765. Miss Cleo would love to give you a free reading. These tarot reading have saved lives. Call now at 1-888- (trol) or 1-888-8765 for your free tarot reading. No risk, no problem.

This is a paid advertisement.

Testimonies:

Pied Piper: Yeah, I finally found out that I was really in love with O' Donnell. Tarot reading saved my life.

D-jackfan-10 : I realized that Kate Upton has a derp face. Thanks Ms. Cleo.

BBI: Thanks Ms. Cleo for finally realizing I'm an Eagles fan.

Announcer: Real people and real stories.

KByars: O. Skeptical hippo is skeptical.

Eagladelphia: It really works man!

KByars: O

Announcer: No reason to be skeptical. Real people and stories. Call us at 1-888- (trol)- 8765

Off camera: Ms Cleo's face

Politic_33_medium

Now we will resume to the previous caller.

Cleo: Anyway, I see a bright future for you.

Young: Even though I messed up throwing eight picks in three games.... I didn't think I would get a new job in the NFL. Thanks Miss. Cleo.

Cleo: Your welcome my child.

Announcer: That is all the time we have for now. Tune in next time with Ms. Cleo.

This message was a paid advertisement.

*Next commercial*

Have any problem finding a date? Can't find that cute attractive guy? Try Tajazzle!

Six months later...

New York Giants calls Vince Young...

Giants FO: Umm yeah... we are calling because Elisha Manning went down for the season. Our backups are pretty bad and we figure we couldn't do any worse. Kerry Collins is still available and so is Donovan McNabb but that is like playing with 10 men on the field.

Young: Really! I can play?

Giants FO: We were just kidding. I'm the new assistant GM. Our season is a joke right now so I figure why not prank called someone. It was either you or Tiki Barber.... Sorry kid, your role is done. That's Terrelle Pryor's job now.

Young: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Sorry Ms. Cleo, I guess Tarot "reading" isn't your thing. Maybe next time you could add some Zodiac signs and tell people their signs are realigning or something. Who knows that Desean Jackson and Vince Young's fate were doomed to their zodiac signs.....

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