First order of business: Throw every single game for the rest of the season. Make sure they don't let teams like the Redskins beat themselves. Have Asante interecept and run it in for a touchdown for the opposing team. Just throw em all. God knows we need the draft picks.
Next thing, put the second and third stringers in and find out who is worth keeping. Give Kafka a chance to prove that he is worth anything or trade/cut him along with Mike and Vince. Get Cooper, Harbor and Steve Smith some reps to see if they are worth keeping. Deon Lewis needs some practice too - he might actually be worth something. Ronnie Brown isn't worth dookie. DeSean can stay if he keeps to his $500k salary and doesn't ming being activated only in emergencies. He's the team's new Chad Hall.
Graham has to show he can still move or cut him, too. Put a hit out on Abiamiri. That's the only way we can get that gimp off the team. It's funny how his name has the letters IR right at the end, huh? Use the linebackers as tackling dummies, that's all they are worth. Send the safeties to the showers with Jerry Sandusky - maybe then they will learn to run faster. DRC = DOA, cut him. Assmugger can go, too. It'll get us cap space and maybe we can get someone who can tackle. Asante is still the best on the team but if Andy stays, Asante goes because of his age and all of the bad blood Andy created by shopping him like a cheap hooker.
Put Andy's head on a stake to show other head coaches what happens when they screw up Philly. Replace Marty and Juan now.See if whatever crap we throw at the wall in their place sticks. Get a huge, Amazon, she-bitch Dominatrix to force the players to behave in the locker room and stop acting like a bunch of Charlie Sheens.
Be ready for several years of the Eagles like the 1970's, they were a sad, sick bunch with losing records, but they were still the Eagles. Go team!.