BREAKING TRADE NEWS! (joke)

BREAKING NEWS:  The Fort Worth Star-Telegram is reporting a groundbreaking three-team trade involving the Cowboys, Seahawks, and most shockingly, the Eagles.  It is reported that the Seahawks will receive Eagles safety Quintin Demps, QB Michael Vick, and Dallas LB/Crybaby Keith Brooking.  The Cowboys will receive Donovan McNabb from the Eagles, as well as a first round pick from the Seahawks and a 3rd round pick from Seattle in the 2011 draft.  The Eagles will receive LB Aaron Curry from Seattle and QB/whatever-the-fuck-he-wants-to-be Charles “Chuck” Norris, from the Cowboys.

The Cowboys are pleased with this trade, and Jerry Jones is quoted as saying, “I really like Donovan.  Well, I do now at least, that guy killed us in so many games over the past few years.  We really hope he can win the starting QB position, because I’m getting pretty goddamned tired of having people call our QB “Tony Homo.”  I mean, I’m Jerry Jones, I don’t have “Homo’s” leading my team.”  The team’s front office is hoping to use one of their first-round picks to draft a WR to complete their talented receiving corps.

Philadelphia, when contacted by the Star-Telegram, is also quite pleased with the deal.  Head coach Andy Reid said of the trade, “We wish (Donovan McNabb) the best of luck in Dallas.  He was a truly classy player and I loved him like a son.  Its sad to see him go, but the front office and myself decided that it was simply his time to go.  We hope he does well in Dallas, but if he beats us we’re gonna have some problems (chuckles)…  And of course we’re very excited about getting Aaron Curry and Chuck here on the Eagles.  This really solidifies us at linerback.  (Assistant coach whispers in Reid’s ear)  Linebackers?  Is that what its called, ‘linebacker’?  Huh, never heard of it…  Well, yes, Curry is a very good ‘linebacker’.  And of course we have a lot of respect for Chuck Norris.  We’re not concerned with his age; we’re aware that he’s 70 years old, but we feel like he’s just coming into his prime.  We’re very excited.”  Fans have widely applauded the move.

The most confounding role in this trade, undoubtedly, is that of the Seattle Seahawks.  The fans in Seattle are outraged at the loss of their best linebacker, and two draft picks, but Coach Carroll seemed confident that the organization had made the right move.  “Aaron Curry?  I didn’t even know who that was until I took over the position of head coach here,” said Carroll in an interview this morning.  “I mean, who’s heard of ‘Aaron Curry’?  You know who I have heard of?  I’ve heard of Michael Vick.  That dude has name recognition.  He can play.  The dude was the most athletic QB in the league and we barely had to give away anything.  And I think Brooking played with Vick, so he must be really good too.  Demps?  I like Demps.  I like to root for the underdog…  Why did I trade away those picks?  Because I’m Pete Carroll and I do what I want to do.  I’ll even let you in on my strategy… (whispers) Undrafted USC players!”

The trade was completed late last night.