A Letter To The Eagles' Human Resources Dept.
by awd777 on Feb 28, 2010 8:16 PM EST
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PrintDear Mr. Banner,
My name is Nick. I just turned 27 and I live in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. I am a big Eagles fan and I have been my entire life. I have been to several games and I own a few Eagles jerseys. My parents have a cat named Donovan.
The internet said today that Julius Peppers may be interested in the Eagles. Also, I heard that Antrel Rolle might be released from the Cardinals. There are also decent players out there like Darren Sproles or Thomas Jones who can still play pretty well.
I guess what I am trying to say, Mr. Banner, is can you please sign these guys? You don't need to sign Sproles and Jones. One of them will be just fine. You just got rid of Westbrook, so you have more money. Plus you can cut some players like Kevin Curtis and the Andrews Brothers too. That will give you even more money! Cut Reggie Brown too... He stinks.
Listen Mr. Banner. I know you are stingy with your money. Heck, I even know a guy who says you're evil... But it would be really neat if you could get these players. Then, the draft will be easy! Just get an offensive lineman, a linebacker, a few players here and there, and you'll be good to go! I really want the Eagles to go to the Super Bowl. Please, Mr. Banner. Please help us do that.
Sincerely,
Nick (awd777)
P.S. Cut Quintin Demps too... He's a jerk.
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Ok, here I go...
Dear Mr. Banner,
You have no clue who I am but I go by wild_eagle on a blog which is devote purely to the Philadelphia Eagles, so if you cannot tell I kinda like the Eagles. I have been to a few Philly games and have seen some pretty amazing things done in Eagles green. I like my friend Nick also have a few Jerseys which I sport around all the time.
So, I heard a rumor that Peppers would like to become an Eagle, If you can get him for a decent price I’d be ok with that, However if he’s asking to much and your wallet begins to scream I would also like Aaron Kampman, he’s kinda like a white version of Trent Cole. I dont want Thomas Jones or Sproles, I’d much rather have Leon Washington who I feel could help us in numerous ways.
I’d also like for you to sign that Antrel Rolle guy, he’s kinda really good. I’d also like for you to resign Avant and Weaver, I think that’d be pretty damn important to the Eagles well-being. Also you should cut: Reggie Brown, Kevin Curtis, and Demps. Also you should resign Jack Ikuonuo just to make JIBTA happy then cut him a week from now.
You should also draft Micah Johnson from Kentucky, he’s like a tank and you should prolly just nut up and get him in the 3rd. Dudes big as hell and can move pretty well. Also you should try to get Tebow late in the draft…
Also I think you should listen to your evil side a bit more, rumor has it your alter ego hangs around BGN to…
Have a good season
<3
wild_eagle.
BTW, trade McNabb please.
thats Cobb on Kolb crime if you ask me... as said by yophillybro
"I'm trading Kolb to Buffalo for Cribbs"- the brilliant Trade Kolb
i don't think leon washington is gettable.
My "t" and "y" buttons are messed up so don't bitch at me about misspelling, I'm just saying.
by RadioheadbeatlesEagles on Feb 28, 2010 9:59 PM EST up reply actions
He's obtainable.
thats Cobb on Kolb crime if you ask me... as said by yophillybro
"I'm trading Kolb to Buffalo for Cribbs"- the brilliant Trade Kolb
oh well fuck it then he's not worth that much...
He’s the only FA RB I want.. Bring in gerhart.
thats Cobb on Kolb crime if you ask me... as said by yophillybro
"I'm trading Kolb to Buffalo for Cribbs"- the brilliant Trade Kolb
I was reading your letter thinking that Micah would of been the first thing you would of asked for! lol
In life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard.
-Theodore Roosevelt
Lol, no, I cant come off like that in the beginning,
it’d make him ignore my letter…
But Micah’s definantly going to be good and I want him in philly.
thats Cobb on Kolb crime if you ask me... as said by yophillybro
"I'm trading Kolb to Buffalo for Cribbs"- the brilliant Trade Kolb
shut up
demps sucks he can’t even beat out a 5th draft pick. and ur not quintin demps so hu do u think u r
by HawaiiEaglesFanatic on Feb 28, 2010 9:56 PM EST up reply actions
Demps sucks ass.
the only time he hits is when he can cheap shot a QB, the only time he can cover… oh wait nevermind he cant cover.
Well he can run his mouth good is that a positive???
thats Cobb on Kolb crime if you ask me... as said by yophillybro
"I'm trading Kolb to Buffalo for Cribbs"- the brilliant Trade Kolb
dear QuintinDemps,
why do you suck so fucking bad? who taught you to tackle? deion sanders? how is it you got beat out by a 5th rounder in training camp? the guy wasn’t even a safety for god’s sake. even with the dreadful play of sean jones/macho harris you still couldn’t get on the field. piss poor. shit….i played some safety in high school. maybe i should come up and try out. since the eagles are fine filling the secondary with no talent hacks. i would probably still finish on the depth chart above your sorry ass. at least macho has balls enough to try and tackle ball carriers. do us all a favor and go play in traffic, quintin. maybe reno mahe can get you a job a arby’s.
sincerely,
justin
"it's like i tell my ex-wife, i never drive faster than i can see, and besides it's all in the reflexes." -Jack Burton, Big trouble in little China
Pro status.
thats Cobb on Kolb crime if you ask me... as said by yophillybro
"I'm trading Kolb to Buffalo for Cribbs"- the brilliant Trade Kolb
ouch
you guys are harsh. He isn’t all that bad. I mean… he could be a last resort at returning.
In life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard.
-Theodore Roosevelt
I doubt he makes the team this year.
thats Cobb on Kolb crime if you ask me... as said by yophillybro
"I'm trading Kolb to Buffalo for Cribbs"- the brilliant Trade Kolb
I’m gonna agree with you on that one though… I hope we have an aggressive offseason
In life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard.
-Theodore Roosevelt
I'm looking at is as
if Demps, Trotter, and reggie brown are still on the roster next year the Eagles didnt do their job this year..
Demps is awful, him still being on the team means we didnt get a better safety.
Trotter’s old and cant move, same as above
Reggie browns a big contract w/o any production at all.
thats Cobb on Kolb crime if you ask me... as said by yophillybro
"I'm trading Kolb to Buffalo for Cribbs"- the brilliant Trade Kolb
Dear Eagles,
I fix computers for a living. You do a pretty good job of putting us in a position to win each year, and I’m not going to tell you how to do your job. Keep on truckin’.
Sincerely,
Andrew
I am the people's troll :3™
by yomjoseki on Feb 28, 2010 8:39 PM EST reply actions 7 recs
+1
I don’t know that I could have been that concise, but it is a little preposterous to try to tell guys who do this 24-7-365 what to do.
Makes for good threads though!
Still waiting for the Eagles to Bring It Home For Jerome
I wake up every morning ...
and thank God JIBTA doesn’t work in the front office.
Jim Johnson 1941-2009
"The 0-2 pitch, swing and a miss! STRUCK HIM OUT! The Philadelphia Phillies are 2008 World Champions of baseball! And let the city celebrate! " - Harry Kalas 1936-2009
I think im going to begin joining you with that ritual...
I most definantly dont want that to happen.
thats Cobb on Kolb crime if you ask me... as said by yophillybro
"I'm trading Kolb to Buffalo for Cribbs"- the brilliant Trade Kolb
oh but he swears
he would do a better job then everyone in our FO!
In life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard.
-Theodore Roosevelt
oh, if he swears he'd do a better job than all of them I guess I could let him...
thats Cobb on Kolb crime if you ask me... as said by yophillybro
"I'm trading Kolb to Buffalo for Cribbs"- the brilliant Trade Kolb
This letter
Should probably be directed to the player personnel department, not HR.
I Am Better Than Jack Who Some Fool Thinks Is Better Than Asante (IABTJWSFTIBTA)
Dear Andy,
Black doesn’t make you look thinner… seriously its hopeless. I suggest getting a DC the size of Rex Ryan to stand next to
Nobody know andyreidswaistline better than andyreidswaistline. Over the years, I found the hawaiian print (pictured below) to be most slimming look for our old pal.
by andyreidswaistline on Feb 28, 2010 9:52 PM EST up reply actions
The positioning of the weight belt industrial strength mic pack holder as an accessory helps in this instance as well.
by andyreidswaistline on Feb 28, 2010 9:53 PM EST up reply actions
This is great fun
Dear Mr. Lurie,
My name is Nate and I am one of your customers. I pay to buy Eagles merchandise and have also paid to watch the Eagles live and in person. I have supported 95 percent of the Eagles Franchise’s decisions over the years and have been generally happy with the result. I seen in Forbes that you are estimated to have a value of nine hundred and six million dollars. You are welcome for my contribution, although minor compared to some, still never the less a part of it.
The reason for this letter is I would like for you to go George Steinbrenner on the NFL this year, but in a smarter way then Daniel Snyder would. I would love for you to give Mr. Banner and Mr. Reid your checkbook, and say, “Make it happen.” I really want to see the Eagles win the Superbowl and I think you could make this happen if you let your finance team, coaches, and the rest of the Eagles front office know that they have carte blanche to do so.
In closing Mr. Lurie I would like to say thank you for doing what you have so far, and ask that you now make this next step and bring the Lombardi trophy home to your faithful and dedicated fans.
Sincerely,
The Eagles Faithful
"Samuel L.Jackson beer. Made painstakingly by me. Samuel L Jackson. It'll get you drunk!!! You'll be fucking fat girls in no time!!!" Dave Chappelle as Samuel L. Jackson
"They've done studies, you know. 60 percent of the time, it works everytime!" Brian Fantana
This IS great fun
Dear Mr. Banner,
You are a goddamn moron who doesn’t know shit about the game of football.
You are a toady for a bad filmmaker.
Oh, here goes. For real this time.
Dear Mr. Banner,
Anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can do your job better than you can. The trashman, the paperboy, the urinal scrubber at the Grateford Prison. You are truly a horrid football guy and you don’t know a goddamn thing. Thanks.
Sincerely,
The Fans
...But if he pulls the rug on his quarterback, Reid must do it knowing that he let McNabb down more than McNabb ever let him down.
Phil Sheridan--Philadelphia Inquirer
1. thing you forgot
trade down for more pics in later drafts
"Leave Michael Alone!" - said like that Brittany Spears fan on youtube
Dear Mr. Reid,
If Mr. Banner and Mr. Lurie refuse on business grounds to pursue a player that you believe will contribute to bringing a Lombardi Trophy to Philadelphia, PLEASE SIT ON THEM.
Sincerely,
J.F.R. (my real initials)
P.S.: Please find a way for overseas fans like me to order merchandise without having to pay exorbitant shipping / Customs costs.
Alrite my turn...
Dear Mr.Lurie, Mr.Banner, and Fatass Reid (jk I love you man really)
Please get Karlos Dansby, Julius Peppers, and Antrel Rolle. The combination of that equals SB this year and being broke next year but thats fine we’ll get the SB lol. Cut Kevin Curtis, keep Reggie Brown as insurance. Draft whoever you want, I don’t care, but be sure to draft a C, LB, S, CB, KR, WR (so we will have 5 wrs), RB, and OL in no particular order. At least draft those positions. Afterwards, salivate and hump Andy Reid in the shower until training camp. Blah blah blah season starts we go 16-0, we effing blow out the playoff opponents, we kill the Steelers in the SB (I want a Pennsylvania SB), and we spit on the Dallas Star in the process of the SB. Afterwards…GLORY. Tanks ‘fer your time mester Banana, Lupie, and Fatty. G’day.
Sincerely,
Your Mother (and DIBTA)
If I'm goin' to hell, you're coming with me...
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