A Roast of the Philadelphia Eagles Pea-Brained Fanbase (via Hogs Haven)
by Kevin Ewoldt on Oct 1, 2010 12:58 PM EDT
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PrintWhat up BGN, this is Kevin, one of the Editors for the SB Nation Redskins site, Hogs Haven. JimmyK and I were exchanging emails this week about a Q&A...but given how nauseating Espn has been with Vick and McNabb, we decided to roast each other's team instead...and the theme fits as a small tribute to the late, great Roast master legend, Greg Giraldo. For the record, JimmyK is extremely popular on our site...witty and knows his stuff. Here's a taste of JimmyK's roast on our site....
A visual of the Redskins personnel strategy [Click to View Chart]
On to the Iggles roast! The fact the Redskins have the 3 Super Bowls is an old joke. It's a nice standby to have, but with ample time to prepare for this post, it was imperative to get original while roasting your fanbase and team....up first is a short youtube film I put together last night that documents the storied and continued blunders of your fanbase....down below are the 1-liners co-writer, Ken Meringolo, and I came up with...enjoy.
So, will you guys still be doing the Jersey Shore fist-pumping when they show Rocky clips at the Linc now? So that brings us to the Michael Scott one-liners portion of the show....
- What do Obamacare and Stacy Andrews have in common?...They both cost millions of dollars and provide shitty protection.
- What do the Eagles running game and Andre Waters have in common? ... They've both been dead for years.
- How are Britt & Garrett Reid like the Eagles' post-season play?...When it matters most, both are unable to lay the smack down.
- Not sure if you guys have the new Samsung 240 Hz, 1080p HDTV...but the clarity of Andy Reid is amazing. Here's a screen shot.
- Tiger Woods annual tour event in Washington, DC was rescheduled in Philadelphia while the golf course in the nation's capital prepares to host the US Open. Asked why he chose Philly, Tiger said, "I needed to find a city where I wouldn't be tempted to stray from my sex addiction treatment."
- An Eagles fan walks into a bar, sits down and who is sitting next to him...but Jesus Christ. Jesus had had a hard week and this Eagles fan had also had a very hard week. Jesus looks at him and says, "My son, you look troubled. I have had a few beers and am in a very giving mood. I'll grant you any one request." The Eagles fan looks at Jesus and says, "Really!!?? My family comes from a long line of proud, bar fighters, and Todd Pinkston's alligator arms greatly embarrassed our family...can you change it back from him being a complete pussy?" Jesus grimaces and says, "I'm the Son of God...but that is even out of my control. Anything else?" The Eagles fan reconsiders and asks, "Can you make it so that the Eagles won that Super Bowl against the Patriots?" This time Jesus busts out laughing..."The Eagles win a Super Bowl? HA! That is more impossible than walking on water...let me see what I can do about that Pinkston thing."
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# What do the Philadelphia Eagles and the Chinese Calendar have in common? … Both of their years end in mid January.
* What do Obamacare and Stacy Andrews have in common?…They both cost millions of dollars and provide shitty protection.
classic lol
"I think pro athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create."- Daniel Tosh
If Football Had A Church , Brian Dawkins Would Be My Preacher. -NPK
Creator of "Jibta" - NPK
"i know talent .. the eagles do not " – JIBTA
Is that what the male nurses have been telling you?
Poor Jimmy….
Hogs Haven. On Twitter. And Facebook.
no it's a dick
Of course I knew it was a dick. I thought we were going for a more masculine approach
Enter the Vicksperience.
No man if you want it to be a bicep it should have more veins
UDDDDAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Η κόλαση δεν έχει μυστικά
E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!!!!!!
"fuk u i hate peas"- CNCITINFO (Random BGN troll)
Redskins fans don’t seem to appreciate the roast as much as Eagles fans do. Why so serious, Redskins fans?
Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
We do appreciate it…some ppl have been negative all week still off that awful loss to the Lambs.
Hogs Haven. On Twitter. And Facebook.
Read 'em both
Both had entertaining values.. this one felt much shorter.. The vid was nicely done though, It’s about time someone in DC made mudslinging ad that was slightly entertaining.
Very well done, I like the Chinese calendar joke in particular. We’ll see how this game goes, but I’d like to point out that the guys from Philadelphia have been been beating and demoralizing red skins for about three-hundred years.
Got rational behavior? ...apparently not.
36-5-20-JJ Bleeding Green Forever
What does the Redskin O-line and big game pressure have in common?
They both make D-Mac puke.
I love pit-bulls, and I love Vick too. I'm a complicated man.
hahaha....
Same could be said for McNabb and his WR corps in championship games.
Hogs Haven. On Twitter. And Facebook.
What's a Haynes worth?
About eleven million dollars a sack.
I love pit-bulls, and I love Vick too. I'm a complicated man.
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died. (Unrelated, but I just love that friggin’ joke!)
I love pit-bulls, and I love Vick too. I'm a complicated man.
by oldasquick on Oct 1, 2010 3:04 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
The Washington Redskins...
The only group in D.C wasting more money than the government.
5-8-10...the day the Purdue Boilermakers basketball team won the 2011 NCAA Championship!!
by EREX21 on Oct 1, 2010 3:04 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
What does Joe Theismann and an underage hooker have in common?
LT leaves them both walking funny. (some of my best work right there)
I love pit-bulls, and I love Vick too. I'm a complicated man.
by oldasquick on Oct 1, 2010 3:07 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Better believe I’m stealing that one.
Best joke I ever came up with was just a misunderstanding, friends talking about DTF before I knew what it meant. I chimed in thinking it was Dick Thirsty Females…
"You're fucking out!"
What do the Redskins and Canada have in common?
That’s where everyone goes to avoid being drafted.
5-8-10...the day the Purdue Boilermakers basketball team won the 2011 NCAA Championship!!
Bye Dawk Jimmy, you forgot to mention our back-up Qb kills boars with his bare hands
I've been waiting my whole life for an Eagles Championship
RIP JJ
yea
I was trying to figure out a joke w/ Kolb killing snakes and Vick killing dogs but nothing came up…was trying to pair it with something like Detmer throwing ducks/pickles. There’s something there..
Hogs Haven. On Twitter. And Facebook.
This is from Jimmy's post over at Hog's Haven
The Redskins’ receiving corps is currently led by Santana Moss, Joey Galloway, Roydell Williams, and Anthony Armstrong. Never has anything sucked so famously in Washington D.C. since Monica Lewinsky.
by The Legend on Oct 1, 2010 4:06 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
I've been sayin "Wait til next year" for 32 years....
R.I.P. JJ
by DoctaWoo on Oct 1, 2010 5:22 PM EDT reply actions 4 recs
Kev-
Kevin, I [unfortunately] live in Fairfax, VA and am a life long Philly sports fan (grew up there)…
I don’t listen to music anymore on the radio, only 106.7 The Fan…
While the Junkies represent the “Great” Side of the Spectrum, Lavar “Ebonics” Arrington and Chad “Fat Guy Who Sucks At His Job And Why Does He Still Have A Job???!!!” Dukes are completely horrible… what are your thoughts on YOUR version of 24/7 Sports Radio???
Im def a little biased bc I have a weekly bit on 1067 and a Long time friend produces the Mike Wise show. But all that aside…it’s mixed. Espn980 is owned by Snyder and everyone laughs at that station. They if course get all the player and coach interviews, but being a blogger, there’s never a sound byte u can use. Ever. 1067 is credentialed but they ask controversial questions. Portis & cooley have weekly shows. Not many radio hosts r good solo. Stern & Junkies got it. But I dont mind Lavar & dukes. Ppl hate lavar bc he bashes the redskins for Snyder screwing him over. All he does is tell it like it is. This team has sucked. Truth hurts. I dunno why ppl hate Dukes so much. The dude knows his shit.
Hogs Haven. On Twitter. And Facebook.
by Kevin Ewoldt on Oct 1, 2010 8:05 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
I like that we’re trying to bring back the phrase “pea-brained.”
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Kno how u keep a deadskin off ur lawn?
Paint an end zone there!!! lol
R.I.P. JJ "Carry On Tradition"
by Uptown DC on Oct 1, 2010 7:43 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
What destroys turf with a single Throw??
The Eagles Hammy down QB..
thats Cobb on Kolb crime if you ask me... as said by yophillybro
"I'm trading Kolb to Buffalo for Cribbs"- the brilliant Trade Kolb
"Please notice the difference and proceed to suck your own tiny ass cock. Secondly, A simulator shows how things COULD go, not WOULD.. Once again bend in half and do the deed.." From me.. To CNCITINFO.
What do the philadelphia eagles and marijuana have in common?… Every time they get in a bowl they get smoked!
Hogs Haven. On Twitter. And Facebook.
by Kevin Ewoldt on Oct 2, 2010 12:13 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
hahahah nice
Bills everywhere, trill everything, and Drake just stand for Do Right And Kill Everything...
Seriously, that's hilarious
I laughed out loud on all of these. Dick helmet = nice touch.
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