The Dallas Cowboys are the Laughing Stock of the National Football League...Yes, Even More Hilarious Than the Detroit Lions

America's team is truly a joke in every facet of the organization. It is great. There is no team that I want to see suck giant elephant dong more than the Dallas Cowboys. There is nobody who I wish failure upon more so than Jerry Jones...except maybe Tony Romo. And there is nobody who I hope chokes during a two minute drill more than Tony Romo. Life is good when the Cowboys are bad, and all signs are pointing to the Cowpussies ending up in the cellar of the East in 2009. Hells yes.

On the field, it all starts with Tony "The Homo" Romo--aka The Anti-clutch. Watching him pull an Uncle Tim--blowing and choking--in every pressure situation gives me great pleasure, and actually makes me feel good about having Donovan McNabb as my QB, if only for a few moments. This guy is Anti-clutch in every aspect of his life. First, love life. He basically had the choice between Carrie Underwood, smoking hot-successful-actually sane, and Jessica Simpson, less smoking hot(I don't care how fat she is or was you all know you would still do her)-Currently a C-lister-bat shit crazy. And he chose Jessica(WTF?). And how about his golf game. He is a pretty solid golfer, or so I hear. He even tried to qualify for the U.S. Open...and failed miserably in true Anti-clutch fashion:

Romo shot an 80 in the local qualifying round but at least cleared up a possible conflict with the Cowboys' veteran minicamp. Bethpage State Park (Black Course) will host the U.S. Open from June 18-21 in Farmingdale, N.Y. The Cowboys' minicamp is June 16-18.

After an even-par front nine under rainy conditions early, Romo shot a 44 on the back nine with bogeys at Nos. 11, 12, 14, 15 and 17 as the wind kicked up. He also had a triple-bogey on No. 16.

And on the football field, well, we all know how that story goes...


Now, let's take a look at their offseason moves. The biggest move of all, they dump Terrell Owens. I have never been so happy about a team cutting a player. Say what you want about Owens, but the guy can flat out play. And looking at the Cowboys receiving corps coming back, how the fuck could they make the decision to cut Owens? Awesome, they re-signed Austin and Hurd, they're Pro Bowl receivers. What's that? They are pieces of shit who wouldn't be number four WR's on half the NFL rosters. Great move, Jerry. Roy Williams is a piece of shit too. I can't wait to see this move blow up in their face. The other big move was releasing Pacman. He didn't play great last year, but what do you expect from a guy whose workout consisted of making it rain and punching strippers the year prior. And now after cutting ties with him, for apparently continuing to be a fucktard, it seems like the Cowboys might be ready to bring him back. With such brilliant decision making it is shocking that they haven't won a playoff game since 1996. But at least they signed the remaining brain cells of Jon Kitna, right?

This offseason more than ever, the guys behind the scenes really showed why they are part of the Dallas Cowboys. Remember when the Cowboys practice facility collapsed a little while back? I do, it was then that I realized there was a God and he really cares about me. However, it turned out that the Cowboys execs are just incompetent and hired an ex-con with no degrees to build their facility. Again, brilliant. The new stadium opened up this weekend with a super lame George Strait concert, and how do you think the Cowboys celebrated? If you guessed by having the man in charge of stadium operations get blitzed and then jump behind the wheel then you're correct.

The only suspected drunk driver arrested leaving Saturday’s Cowboys Stadium opening in Arlington was the man put in charge of operations for the $1.15 billion venue after overseeing its construction.

Jack Hill, 53, of Grand Prairie, was arrested about 3:30 a.m. Sunday after he was involved in a minor traffic accident. Police said his SUV was struck by a tractor-trailer in the 1200 block of Randol Mill Road, right in front of the new stadium.

The ineptitude of this franchise never ceases to be enjoyable.

The Toolshed

http://acetoolshed.blogspot.com/