Nashville, TN - Professional sports team requires professional babysitter. The Tennessee Titans are in need of a professional babysitter to keep track of their wayward quarterback. Job duties include, but may not be limited to:
- Ensuring that Mr. Young is in a good state of mind after bad series so that he feels compelled to re-enter game during the next possession.
- Going with Mr. Young and his friends to clubs and other public venues. You will be expected to hold Mr. Young to levels of conduct approved of by the Titans organization.
- Taking care of Mr. Young's food distribution company. He already has too much on his mind the way it is.
- Ensuring that Mr. Young doesn't disappear at all hours of the night, leaving his mobile phone in his apartment. The police are not our personal search and rescue service.
- Escorting Mr. Young to the Titans' facilities for secret midnight meetings to address issues that arise.
Applicants must be between 28 and 40 years old, and preferably not female. Some travel may be required. If we cannot fill this position by close of business Friday night, we will be forced to simply chain Mr. Young to his locker inbetween starts.